Satirizes the many ways society sustains police power. Its refrain, “take a cop to dinner,” becomes a metaphor for the favors, privileges, exemptions, and public myths through which criminals, businesses, churches, government agencies, merchants, and even hip institutions all help legitimize and strengthen the police. Obscene and mocking in tone, the piece argues that police authority is socially fed, not merely legally granted.
Full Text
TAKE A COP TO DINNER
COP A DINNER TO
TAKE A COP DINNER
COP A TAKE
Mr. Answer Man | what is a weapon | worse | ten times | worse, | than the
Hydrogen | Bomb?
Why a cunt | which is | ten times | larger | than the largest | cock | | extent, | mickey.
Degoutante, | said mickey | kissing cop | to hedge the bet.
Take a cop to dinner.
Racketeers take cops to dinner with payoffs.
Pimps take cops to dinner with free tricks.
Dealers take cops to dinner with free highs.
Business takes cops to dinner with graft.
Unions and corporations take cops to dinner with post-retirement jobs.
Schools and professional clubs take cops to dinner with free tickets to
athletic events.
The Catholic Church takes cops to dinner by exempting them from
religious duties.
The Department of Justice takes cops to dinner with laws giving them the
right to do almost anything.
The Department of Defense takes cops to dinner by releasing them from all
military obligations.
Establishment newspapers take cops to dinner by propagating the image of
the friendly, uncorrupt policeman.
Places of entertainment take cops to dinner by admitting them without
charge.
Merchants take cops to dinner with discounts and gifts.
The Psychedelic Shop takes cops to dinner by catering to them with signs in
their window.
The I/Thou takes cops to dinner with free coffee and discussions offering
discriminating insights into hipsterism.
Cops take cops to dinner by granting them immunity to prosecution for
misdemeanors.
Cops take themselves to dinner by inciting riots.
AND SO, IF YOU OWN ANYTHING OR YOU DON'T, TAKE A COP TO DINNER THIS WEEK AND FEED HIS POWER TO JUDGE THE MORALITY OF SAN FRANCISCO.
n.b. GOURMET GEORGE METEVSKY WOULD REMIND EVERYONE NOT TO MAKE THE MISTAKE OF ARNOLD SCHUSTER WHO SERVER [sic] THE RIGHT COURSE AT THE WRONG TIME.
THE D I G G E R S*
*regarding inquiries concerned with the identity and whereabouts
of THE D I G G E R S: happy to report THE D I G G E R S are not that.
