The MOST (Morning Star) Newsletter
July 1996 Volume IV #1
An Activity of the KIT Information Service
A Project of The Peregrine Foundation
P.O. Box 460141
San Francisco, CA 94146-0141
telephone: (415) 821-2090 / fax: (415) 282-2369
Staff: Ramon Sender, editor; Vivian Gotters, Pam Read Hanna,
Sandi Stein, Contributing Editors; John & Jeanie Nelson,
Assistant Editors
The MOST Newsletter is an open forum for fact and opinion, and
encourages the expression of all views. The opinions expressed in
the letters published are those of the correspondents and do not
necessarily reflects those of MOST editors or staff.
"What Go 'Round Come Around"
- Howdy, gang! Okay, so it's been a while. We are all so
loaded up with "labor-saving devices,"
(computers, World Wide Web browsers, URL's, Home Pages,
phone answering machines, modems, voice mail, e-mail,
telecom connections of all flavors, fax machines, that
there just has been no time to kick back enough to get in
the MOST Newsletter groove.
-
- But then Uncle Lou did the unthinkable, and that was to
DIE ON US! "No, Lou, don't die!" many of us
called out. "You PROMISED TO STICK AROUND!"
-
- "Sorry, dear hearts," he seemed to reply.
"God sent me a Special Delivery that read: 'Lou, we
need you immediatemente -- subito -- right now!'
And when God calls, you can't give Her excuses. So -- whoom! -- I'm off! Love to all! See you later!"
-
- This is a special "In Memory of Our Lou
Gottlieb" issue. So tell your secretary to 'hold the
calls,' slip out of your left brain and float downstream
on a wave of sorrowful nostalgia. I originally started to write this issue out on the sun
deck, the computer on the end of an extension cord,
literally the first time that I figured out how to
word-process outdoors. I was trying to pay heed to Chief
White Eagle's wise words from 1969, "Hippies are
people who are smart enough to go outside when the sun is
shining." The sun was shining -- we had been blessed
with perfect springtime weather, and projects or no
projects, I was determined to 'get some en-solar-ment' to
counter my indoor grayed-out look.
-
- Anyway, "Aloha" and "Hola" and
"Yoo-hoo!" to our wide-spread tribe. And a VERY
HAPPY BUEN VIAJE to Uncle Lou who no doubt at this
very moment is explaining to the assembled heavenly
throngs what the situation is here earthside that needs
special divine attention. Badaba, Lou!
"Meanwhile, Back On The
Ranch"
- Table of
Contents
Vivian Gotters
Nancy Collins
Rena Morningstar
Pam Read Hanna
Stephen Fowler"Adios!"
Ramon Sender
Salli Rasberry
photo of Rachel Laws at the grave
Sandi Stine
Sister Benedicta
John Cable Car Nelson
Some Photos from Lou's Burial
Lou Gottlieb Weird Happening
Lou Gottlieb Basic Rap
Lou Gottlieb A Later
Addendum
Lou Gottlieb 4/24/89
Lou Gottlieb 4/30/89
Lou Gottlieb 5/9/89
Lou Gottlieb Recherche du
temps perdue
Lou Gottlieb Apocalypse
Now
Lou Gottlieb L.A 1990
Lou Gottlieb Dear Brother
Lou Gottlieb L.A. re
Aurobindo
Lou Gottlieb re Praising God
Lou Gottlieb Occidental
12/92
Lou portrait in 1968 Occidental
12/92
Lou Gottlieb Various Photos
& Quotes
Lou Gottlieb My Great
Discovery
Lou Gottlieb Cities of
Refuge
Ramon Sender
Rena Morningstar
Off-Color Joke
- Lou Gottlieb, our own very dear "Uncle Lou,"
did indeed 'drop the body,' to use one of his phrases, at
11:42 A.M. Thursday, July 11th, at Palm Drive hospital in
Sebastopol, California, and mahasamadhi'd at the age of
72. It happened to be his Limeliter partner Alex
Hassilev's birthday ("A final 'Lou joke'," Alex
said mournfully). It also happened to be Bliss Buys
Cochran's birthday too, and it also happened to be TOO
SOON and TOO SUDDEN for all his family, lovers, friends,
fans, acquaintances and admirers. But like the
professional performer he was, he got off the stage
quickly when his act was over, refused any surgical
intervention or heroic measures from the Emergency Room
staff, went into deep mediation and departed for the next
level.
-
- It will take some time for his dear hearts to absorb the
impact of this event, at least for your newsletter
editor, for one. But I'm convinced that Lou's presence
upstairs will also hasten the spiritual evolution of all
of us here below. Hasta lluego, brother.
-
- click here to return to Table of
Contents
-
- Vivian Gotters, 7/16/96: My dear Lou: Well, how's
life on the other side? You slipped away so easily -- and
you took a part of me with you. How kind you are. I have
never understood the idea of sacrifice -- of offering up
a life to God. But now I understand that when an
enlightened one passes, those who love you follow you one
step closer to Heaven. Expanding consciousness. I kept
telling you that you'd see the Millennium, never dreaming
that it would be your Passing that would herald the
transition.
-
- How noble you were in those last moments! Thank you for
letting me be there.
-
- We planted you at Rolling Hills Cemetery on Sunday
afternoon on that beautiful hillside next to your father.
Spencer Paul, your grandson, wanted us to open the coffin
so that he could see you again. He spoke for us all. We
wanted one last chance to visit, one last chance to say
the things we didn't get to say, to do the things we
didn't get to do...
-
- The greatest pain for those closest to you, especially
your children, was that they were not with you. And I
know that the hardest part for you was letting go of
them, so I understand why they couldn't have been there.
I remember when you said that you wanted to do one more
"significant" thing with your life so that your
children would be proud of you. And I said that all they
probably want at this point is to know that you're proud
of them. With a wave of you hand you said, "Oh, they
know I'm proud of them. If there's one thing they know,
it's how proud I am of them."
-
- The shock of the last few days is wearing off and the
pain is setting in. I know how you hate to dwell on the
"down" side, so I won't. Let's just say you are
missed. All my love as always,
- Your Lady of the Lake,
-
- click here to return to Table of
Contents
-
- Nancy Collins, 7/16/96: I feel as though I have
witnessed the most perfectly orchestrated death, having
been the fortunate one that Lou picked to die with. In
his last year of life, he felt healthier than he had
since his thirties. He lost 90 pounds and went to the gym
three times a week. He had conquered his only bad habit
-- overeating, and was eating fat-free and small
portions. He commented that his losing his obsession with
food cleared his mind.
- Living at Morning Star, teaching piano, he had a strict
daily regimen of four hours each morning on the piano.
These hours extended until he once actually thought it
was Thursday and it was Sunday. He had finally reached
"piano bliss." During one of these periods, he
recorded himself playing Bach, which had frustrated him
more than anything. Lou was at peace with everyone and
had no more curiosity. He had accomplished everything he
ever wanted to in life.
-
- Please God, let us all be so lucky and give us the will
to keep trying to accomplish our dreams. Thank you, Lou,
for allowing me to have such a great friend and such
fond, colorful memories.
-
- Rena Morningstar, 7/16/96: Let us
remember Lou's Vision and do our best to live it. We are
a family attempting to live together in harmony. We were
having too much fun, and so the authorities tried to put
a stop to it. Although I've traveled and now live in the
North Pacific, I have found that there's truly nothing
like the Morningstar Experience! Almost 30 years later,
and I'm smiling! Let us show our children the vision,
that they may attempt to donate their land and their work
to God!
-
- Thank you for loving Lou. We can continue to
love Lou!
- -- RNA-- Rena MorningStar
-
- P.S. Historians take note: although I spent
six wildly happy years with Lou, and our son Bill Vishnu
Gottlieb was consciously conceived, we chose to live
outside of wedlock. You may call me a 'Soul Mate.'
Thanks, Lou! Our souls will play again!
-
- click here to return to Table of
Contents
-
- Pam Read Hanna, 7/16/96: I'm howling for Lou. I'm
not accepting this worth a tinker's damn. Everybody's
going to be eulogizing him up the kazoo but I'm just
banging around between being super pissed that he didn't
tell us he was in extremis and melting into tears because
he's gone and we're still here and I can't ask him any
more questions or tell him any of my latest brilliant
theories or turn him on to books I'm reading or movies I
just saw. He's gone! He's fucking outta here!
-
- I can just hear my #1 son Adam Siddhartha saying,
"Hey, that's deep, Pam." In some morbid frenzy
of self-indulgent grief, I called his number and got his
answering machine and heard his voice saying he'd call
back -- but he's not going to call back, or come back or
be back here in the outback on this god-forsaken planet
full of losers who are still alive. He pushed us all away
these last couple months. He must have known he was about
to check out. I was saving up stuff I wanted to talk to
him about for when he was in a better mood. Well, he sure
as hell must be in a better mood right about now, but
we're all on hold.
-
- At least one of us, one of our tribe -- Vivian -- was
with him at the last moment. She said maybe he was
keeping people at a distance because he knew that if we
knew where he was really at, we'd have all flown out
there and we would have been right up in his face saying
"Lou, don't go" We'd have gone for the jugular
too. "Lou, don't leave us -- we need you," we'd
have said, "We need your spin on the cosmos. We need
your funny dirty stories and we need your half-baked
theories on everything imaginable, we need your...
presence." That's what clued me in that I wasn't
even grieving for Lou. I'm grieving for my own loss. Lou
is probably grooving like he's never grooved before. I
can just hear him saying something like, "Dear
hearts, the music of the spheres has an unequalled rhythm
section. It's definitely a must hear." Every other
time he experienced something extraordinary, we'd get his
take on it in his voice. What's hard to accept is that
we're not going to get his take on it this side of the
grave. So we're the ones who are pissed off, left out,
and holding the bag. With our collective consciousness,
we would have made him stay -- in great pain. Yeah, we
might very well have done that -- if we knew. But we
didn't know. He e-mailed us that all was cool and he was
feeling better. But he knew. He knew it was his time and
he was ready. So what all this amounts to is that I'm
feeling extraordinarily sorry for myself, champing at the
bit and wishing I had somebody to be mad at because Uncle
Luya checked out and didn't leave a forwarding address.
Just like him! He could be SO-ooo exasperating! Between
bouts of keening, wailing and howling, I did have a
thought -- it was that in all conversations with him that
even remotely brushed on the death of the body, he always
let everybody know he was ready. Once I was rattling on
to him about these people in a desert somewhere who ate
right, exercised, meditated and did yoga -- applied
geriatrics -- and they were living to be 120+ years old.
- "Whaddaya thinka that, Lou?" I asked him.
-
- And he said, "Well darlin', I'm really more
interested in going on to what's next."
-
- That's Lou. OK, shot my load. Wailing in the weeds,
keening to the cosmos, howling in the hailstorm -- our
Patriarch is dead. God love him.
-
- Oh damn -- I forgot to say that I so much ASSUMED that
Lou would stick around for the millennium and we'd all
party hearty. Another thing I didn't say is how much a
mentor he was to me. He shaped my attitudes and approach
on everything for decades -- and I know I'm not the Lone
Ranger. In my particular case, he was friend, mentor, and
I didn't get it that he was my mentor until he died. I
just didn't snap! Can you beat that? More than a father
figure -- a real sure-'nuf guru-mentor type relationship
-- with me scrapping and kvetching all the way.
-
- click here to return to Table of
Contents
-
- Adios, General Paton! by Stephen Fowler
- You can talk about Lou Gottlieb's brilliant mind, his
sense of humor, his musical skill and erudition; you can
praise his generosity, his tolerance and his deep sense
of what it means to be civil in this world; you might
enumerate his amazing number of friends (both famous and
obscure), his sexual exploits, the dollars earned and
spent. I want to talk about his feet.
-
- Don't forget, Lou was the only child of a respected
orthopedic surgeon, a man who, Lou proudly pointed out,
lectured on podiatry as well as practicing it.
Characteristically, Lou's capacious mind had absorbed a
great deal of his father's knowledge, and he could talk
authoritatively about the agonies of corns, chilblains,
bunions, fallen arches and gout. I believe he knew the
names of most of the bones in the foot. His father, who
must have seen a lot of feet, may have been awestruck at
the sight of his son's size 15's.
-
- Yes, Lou Gottlieb's pedal extremities were truly
colossal!
-
- Shortly after Lou began his four-year stay here at what
he liked to call "Camp Fowler," he started
telling me stories about his years in the army. Lucky Lou
had, he said, "A very good war," playing music
in various bands which contained excellent musicians he
might otherwise not have met, and enjoying the tremendous
surplus of unattached women. But before the
"Good" part, he had to go through Basic
Training, which required strenuous exercise -- not a
Gottlieb strong point -- and living in a platoon with a
bunch of non-musicians. He remembered all their names,
including that of the Hayseed who bragged that he had
'stump-trained' his favorite heifer. (Always stand uphill
of 'em," he advised. "That way they back up
agin ya.") There were also, in that barracks, a few
Hispanic guys who couldn't believe the magnitude of the
Gottlieb tootsies. After awhile, they came up with a
nickname for Lou that punned on the name of a famous
general and the word for 'foot' in Spanish. His moniker
henceforth was "General Paton" ("General
Bigfoot").
- For a couple of years now, whenever Lou walked into the
house, I would give my best imitation of a Mexican Army
irregular saluting his superior and cry out,
"General Paton!" He would usually reply in
Spanish, which I have never managed to learn.
-
- Finally, one morning Lou didn't show up. Instead, Nancy
Collins came running up to tell me that Lou had fallen
off the deck at his cabin and to please call 911. When I
got down there, Lou was calmly lying on the ground, on
his back, the blood starting to dry around the edges of
his broken nose. He quipped that his face would
henceforth have a lot more character. I asked him where
it hurt, and he said, "Right here," drawing his
fingers across his sweatshirt just below his left rib
cage. I put my hand there, just placed it there lightly
with the irrational thought that I might draw the trouble
out and throw it into the bushes or something. But it
didn't happen, and I looked around for some other way to
make Lou comfortable. All I could think of was to rub his
cold, bare feet.
- Rachel, his granddaughter, tells me that her last contact
with Lou was also that she was rubbing his very cold feet
just before he passed.
-
- click here to return to Table of
Contents
-
- Ramon Sender, 7/16/95: Lou Gottlieb opened his
Morningstar Ranch to all comers in 1966. In 1968, a
permanent injuction forbade Lou to entertain further
guests. His fines totalled over $14,000 and he spent a
week in jail on contempt of court. By 1972 the structures
at Morningstar Ranch had been bulldozed by the county
three times.
- Lou did more good for more people than any one single
person that I've ever known. He's getting a big welcome
Upstairs, that's for sure. My 'take' on his early exit is
that although insisted he was enjoying his
semi-retirement, he also was twiddling his thumbs a bit
sitting on the bench. His talents were too important to
be wasted, so God tapped him on the shoulder and said,
"Lou, have we got a job for you in Sector
Arg-Sniggle-Warpsniffer 12! So enough, already, of this
piano-playing in the redwoods. We're beaming you
up!"
-
- But I'm sort of peeved about the suddeness of it, if you
know what I mean...
-
- Salli Rasberry, 7/17/96: A bright
yellow hand-carved sign that hangs over the entrance to
The Coffin Garden in Salli's garden advises "Bloom
Where You're Planted." The Coffin Garden is nestled
in an orchard of fruit trees, sunflowers and wildflowers
surrounded by lavender where artists, musicians,
gardeners and anyone interested in awakening and changing
consciousness about death are invited. Delia Moon and
Salli Rasberry have dedicated a bench to celebrate Lou,
swap stories, sketch a flower, or just be.
-
-
- click here to return to Table of
Contents
-
- Sandi Stein, July 15,1996: I thought today after
the services, it would be better, that I would shoulder
my pain and go on about my business. Today it is not
better. When I awoke this morning, I realized that one
very important voice that has sounded so clearly for so
long in the background of my life has fallen silent, as
if that one really big bass note in the theme song of my
life has suddenly stopped. The words and tune go on, but
somehow the sound is thinner, having lost some important
character of its depth and richness. And I am sure that
it is in the course of every day living, of casual
conversations, thinking, and spiritual pursuits that my
life will be impoverished to both greater and lesser
extents minus Lou's commentary and wisdom.
-
- I know that Lou had closer and better friends than I. Yet
somehow he always made me feel important, often
introducing me as "the youngest graduate of the
Morningstar class of '67" even though I remember
contributing little other than my presence and an open
ear to many a gathering on the porch of his studio.
-
- Now in retrospect, I understand the power of what I was
witness to there, in the conversations and arguments
about voluntary primitivism, right livelihood,
Christianity, Buddhism, Nihilism, politics, birth, poetry
and every other directional perspective on the compass of
human meaning that can be conceptualized, and of course
then some.
-
- The watchful diet of my formative years consisted of
other delicacies besides conversation as well, watching
you built musical instruments in the tall summer grass,
the births of Sol Ray, Raspberry, Rainbow and Vish and
many more, Choctaw's herbal Indian lore, John Nelson
launching his water bed from high atop the redwood
canopy, the bikers, bulldozers, rebuilding, early morning
Bach, and behind it all, the sound of Lou's voice, rising
into an enthusiastically crescendo, and then falling into
the quiet of some shared secret regarding his latest
acquisition of infinite interests and best beginner's
mind. "The idea is the thing, you see, my
dear".
- So my intention here is not to Guru-ize, or eulogize Lou.
He was a big enough soul in his own right not to need
that kind of press from me. My intention is to share my
love and his importance to me. And that love and
importance are in and of themselves more profound than
the most eloquent words or any handful of narcissists
clamoring for godhood. He was neither narcissist or guru,
far too caring for one and admittedly fallible for the
other. But in my book, great soul might not fall too far afield. I believe I have known a few, and he was clearly
one.
-
- So in closing, I want to say that the conspiracy to
change the world that blossomed in those many dialogues I
witnessed as an adolescent became the rock upon which I
build my life. If you want to see what was said, look
into any corner of my adult existence, and you can't help
but find anarchy, community, the notion of open land,
spiritual seeking, and I hope what is more than a
generous helping of beginner's mind. Now too you will
also find silence where there was an ongoing clamor, a
passionate living dialogue for change. Perhaps that
stillness will grow less noticeable with time, yet I
think that big bass note that is gone from the chorus of
my life is simply irreplaceable, and that I shall miss it
until the trumpet sounds for me as well.
-
- May all roads lead us home. Ba-Da-Ba!
-
- click here to return to Table of
Contents
-
- Sister Benedicta, Order of St. Helena (Ramon's
sister) 7/13/96: Here's my story about meeting Lou. It
was right after I'd moved in to a very posh building on
67th street in Manhattan, and felt rather out of my
league in terms of social class, so I was trying to keep
a low profile and act very respectable. At 10:30 P.M. Lou
called and introduced himself as Ramon's friend, (and I'd
heard Ramon speak of him) so as 'right now' was the only
time our schedules meshed, I gulped and said "Come
on up."
-
- Lou arrived in a sort of woodsman's green suit and full
beard, 10:45 P.M., and we got talking about Spanish
mystics (a favorite subject of mine) about which he was
very knowledgeable and astute. Somehow this innocent
conversation lasted until the small hours until I
regretfully showed him out at an hour that no doorman was
going to think we were discussing Teresa of Avila. Well,
I thought I'd live it down by being super-respectable in
the future.
- The following night I got a call that my sister-in-law
Alicia had a medical emergency (2:00 A.M.) so out I tore
into the night. The third night I was in that building,
Sr. Ruth arrived in full habit with an overnight bag to
spend the night. I told our American mother Julia about
all this, commenting "They'll never know what to
make of all this!
-
- "Oh they'll have no trouble with that," she
replied. "They'll just think that you're living a
dissolute life, and your family is sending in the church
to rescue you!"
-
- I enjoyed Lou's visit enormously and I also enjoyed
reading his input in Ramon's MCI box. So I shall post an
intercession request, light a candle, and do my best to
pray for him and all those that shall miss him!
-
- click here to return to Table of
Contents
-
- John 'Cable Car' Nelson, 7/14/96: I never felt I'd
left the ranch and shaken its dust from my earthly
raiment, till word received by wire did chill my soul...
the word that Lou had passed. He liberated spirits and
laughed at their antics. He sought mastery and got
Mystery ...and there -- that land called Morningstar --
he channeled human droplets into a rivulet ...into a
stream of consciousness breaching the banks of the
rivulet... and we now are left to find our laughter and
our prayers, we bright and morning stars...
- I had decided to grow dope under the bed (the repository
of all things illicit in my youth). A waterbed suspended
from redwoods accessed by a green moss mother stump ramp
would give me succor and comfort after my grueling labors
in the city. I could see it so clearly -- a bubble above
and below a suspended lens of water that warmed the
evening and cooled the day -- and Lou could see it. But
his eyes, I think, rolled heavenward even as he nodded
approval of the project.
-
- (....I placed an Abraham Lincoln rose from my garden on
his pinewood box and tucked a bud into the stem lattice
of granddaughter Rachel's flowers by his side....)
-
- Four fifty-gallon drums rolled to site. The hose mouth
disgorged water to fill the bed hidden by brush and
redwoods below on the upper slopes of a dome-shaped
hillside. Lou was at my side, eyes wide with wonder and
delight when, after loud crashing and pregnant screams,
the redwood grove delivered a bounding blob of water into
and across the meadow and, continuing to gather speed,
disappeared into the woods beyond (there its unexplained
passage through a small encampment became the basis of
myth and legends from which a few UFO cults were later
formed... ).
-
- "My boy, you've outdone yourself," Lou said,
after minutes of sustained laughter.
-
- click here to return to Table of
Contents
Some Photos From Lou's Burial
|
Nancy Collins hugs Jimmy Small. |
|
Vivian Gotters with Lou's grandson Spencer Gottlieb as
guests gather at Rolling Hills Memorial Park. |
|
Glenn Yarbrough - pure gold on the high note of Danny
Boy.
|
|
Rick Dougherty and Alex Hassilev -- for now, a Limeliter
Duo. |
|
Lee Hartz, mother of Judith and
Tony Gottlieb. |
|
Judith Gottlieb Spector --
she's got Lou's talent on stage. |
|
L
to R: Lee Hartz, her son Tony, Bill Gottlieb (Lou and
Rena's son) and granddaughter Rachel Laws. |
|
The gathering at the grave. |
|
Spencer helps shovel. |
|
Rachel, Bill, Tony and Lou's godson Mike Winsor. |
|
Grandchildren
Spencer and Miranda Gottlieb. |
|
Final
goodbyes to Lou. |
|
Vivian Gotters, the
grandchildren, Tony and Bill Gottlieb. |
-
- click here to return to Table of
Contents
Selected Writings by Lou
- Weird Happenings, Monday, July 8, 96: Having
achieved my weight goal of 200 lbs., on June 29, l996, I
started experimenting to define a "maintenance'
diet. My problem started at a July 4th barbecue when I
had three scoops of delicious, spicy salsa dip, then ate
a roasted head of garlic drenched in oil and a serving of
salad with an oily dressing. I followed that up with yet
another large dip into the salsa. When I swallowed that,
it was less than a minute before I a radioactive tube of
cement formed in my upper intestine. Actually it was just
below my left rib cage near the center.
-
- One minute later I was on the floor. Not completely
passed out, but very weak. I lay there for a half-hour
and then got up and drove home. I thought it was an
attack of hyperglycemia. Wrong diagnosis, except that
taking some anti-hyperglycemic pills did make me feel
better. Since then I have got steadily weaker. My stool
is black which indicates I am bleeding internally. It
could be an ulcer or it could be cancer. Doctor is giving
me Zantac to stop the bleeding and a whole bunch of blood
tests to find out what's wrong. I feel like I'm not long
for this planet, and that's okay with me. I'm gonna stick
around to see what happens and I'll keep you informed. One thing I have learned -- the intensive care I lavished
on my diabetes made me overlook some other symptoms, like
maybe I lost the weight too easily. Hasta lluego,
-
- Lou's Basic Rap (as formulated in
1988)
- There are always individuals who are
allergic to life in the mainstream of the society in
which they live. The goals and incentives offered by that
society are insufficient inducement for them to work.
Their need for leisure is greater than their fear of
unemployment, starvation or homelessness. Publicans and
sinners, the hoi polloi, bohemians, beatniks, hippies,
lumpen proletariat, "hooligani,"
"gusanos," "marielitos," street
people, the homeless panhandlers found in every American
city are names which have been used to characterize this
component of society at various times. These beggars
provide the opportunity for philanthropic behavior which
always makes rich people feel good. John D. Rockefeller,
for example, is reputed to have given away over half a
billion dollars during his lifetime.
-
- However the philanthropic urge is often
inhibited by the need to decide who is truly worthy of
help. As reported in Time magazine, these days some only
give to beggars who are disabled, others give only to
beggars with children, and the poor are more generous
than the rich.
-
- Twenty years ago, having been lucky enough
to catch the wave of the "folk scare," I
fancied myself involved in an attempt to ameliorate the
human condition. The only kind of philanthropy I could
think of which did not require judging the qualifications
of the recipients of my generosity was free rent.
-
- As a result of the events at Morning Star
Ranch between 1966 and 1971, I am still convinced that
the Bureau of Land Management, which controls more than
sixteen and a half million acres of land in California,
should deed a dozen isolated parcels of forty acres each
to God and see who shows up. These pockets of controlled
anarchy, I am convinced, can produce lifestyles which
would be convenient for this element that seems to cause
embarrassment wherever they appear.
-
- The most optimistic facet in the coming two
decades is that the possessors of the morality necessary
to rip off the Russian bourgeoisie have died. They have
been replaced by second-and third-generation Communists
like Mikhail Gorbachev who are more interested in making
people happy and don't have to defend or perpetrate any
further thefts. So we can look forward to a decrease in
resources devoted to these efforts. In other words, the
possibility of nuclear conflict has receded, and for that
everyone should utter praise and thanksgiving. That's
about the only thing I can see that is totally positive
for the next twenty years.
-
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- A later addendum: As soon as a "groovy
scene" of any kind emerges, those in need show up.
If they are really impossible, someone must ask them to
leave. That person immediately comes 'way down. The
problem would be easily solved if there were a dozen or
so places where "el imposible" could go. One of
my very good friends, a Morningstar graduate, now
teaching medicine at a large southern university, came to
Morningstar straight out of a nuthouse, immediately felt
at home, and about six months later enrolled at Stanford
and completed his pre-med training. Land access to which
is denied none is for people who CANNOT be any where
else. But if there is only one such
"establishment" an impossible who might fit
right in one place, creates friction in the wrong place.
-
- But it is the FREE RENT movement that I long to see get
started. The primary obscenity of our time is the idea
that a document filed at the county recorder's office
give a person the right to charge others money to
"use" a certain section of Mother Earth's sweet
flowing breast. The are a lot of small property owners
who are quite comfortable with that notion and they can
be very vicious if that hallowed prerogative is
questioned in any way. Ten quidado
-
- April 24, '89: I finally got back
after four weeks of one-niters. The above replacement was
to have been for Walkinstik Man-Alone who had damaged his
knee. He was able to complete the tour with us, so my
Easter Sunday effort was for naught. Highway 126 which
runs east-west between Baker, Oregon and Eugene goes
through the Cascade Mountains and some of the most
beautiful scenery in this entire country. I think a
backpacking trip may be indicated.
-
- I got my autobiography back from Shoshanna.
I know that my UC Berkeley graduate schoolese (circa
1958) is not easy reading, but some of her editorial
suggestions would make my life read like an Inter-Office
Memo. However she did a great job, and I will follow her
suggestions to the letter. Writing vocal arrangements, I
have accepted thousands of suggestions from group singers
over the last thirty-five years. Each suggestion accepted
dulls the stylistic profile a little bit. Everybody wants
me to be more likeable. The sex in the book is too
explicit and lacks tendresse. So I will try to make the
book more mannerly, put in more heart, and so on, but I
think I will keep the down-and-dirty version for
posthumous publication.
-
- April 30, '96: The report on Dr.
Suzuki's method squares with something I read in the
intro to his book on violin playing. He told the story of
of a man that bought a parrot and named it Peeko Muramatsu. He had to repeat
'Peeko' thirty-five hundred
times before the parrot could say it, but he learned 'Muramatsu' in only twenty-five repetitions.
-
- I can remember the feeling of being in a
Math class and not getting it. Something like being
outdistanced in a foot race plus panic. From what I've
read about dyslexics, that is the way they feel ALL THE
TIME. Actually, I think dat old devil, The-Fear-Of-Death,
also plays a part here. I know, I experience it daily as
I fumble along with my little MIDI setup. (The feeling
is: "I'll be dead before I understand how to get
this thing running right.") And it is embarrassing
to keep asking questions.
-
- Somebody told me that Apple cofounder
Woszniak is teaching a school at the third grade level
somewhere. It struck me that these electronic bulletin
boards are something like the Samizdat in the USSR.
People can read without having to polish each utterance
until it meets the standards required by commercial
publication.
-
- Did I tell you that both Shoshanna and Linda
Merrill returned my MS with editorial suggestions, which
all want to turn me into some kind of role model? I am
now reading Elia Kazan's autobiography and he is every
bit as candid as I am. Arthur Miller in his autobio says
that he never wrote anything really good that didn't
embarrass him. Ah, that's not it. I've found the exact
passage (p. 520): "I had never written a good thing
that had not made me blush (nor did I think anyone else
had either)."
-
- Lincoln Mayorga is coming over in soon, so
I've got to sign off and clean up this pig sty.
-
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- May 9 '89 from the Well Computer Network: May I
quote Vladimir de Pachman? "To get a masterpiece to
the point where one has absolute control over it in all
conditions requires a greater effort than the ordinary
music lover can imagine." I do have one little
Corrente from the G-major Partita of J.S. Bach which is
almost to that point. To be able to relax the urinary
sphincter in mid-performance is an incomparable
experience. Where I live now there is wall-to-wall
carpeting and I feel it would be most inappropriate to
let fly under these conditions.
-
- All great performances contain a war between ecstasy and
control. The point is to let go in the muladhara while
playing the correct notes.
-
- No doubt there were some deliriously hilarious moments at Morningstar. My very dear friend Don McCoy was a very
funny man. At one point he had his hair cut in a Mohowk.
He loved to play a recording of Eldridge Cleaver's famous
"Off the pigs" speech on his hi-fi set whenever
the Sheriff`s deputies made an inspection visit. Once
while I was jollying a couple of the new deputies on the
beat, (they had all been told repeatedly to accept
nothing from the hippies in the way of comestibles lest
it be laced with LSD or something worse), McCoy comes up,
naked, of course, his Mohawk bristling and says to the
cops, "Would you like to stay for dinner? We're
having ROAST PIG." Yes, there were some
unclassifiable moments.
-
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- Recherche du temps perdue. I had forgotten
so many of the incidents, or skirmishes, in the
confrontation with the authorities of Sonoma County.
Thank God it was Sonoma County and not Novo Sibirsk or we
would all have received psycho-therapeutic help. I am
glad that these events have been written down so clearly
by Pam, Ramon and others.
-
- I do not ever again want to be involved in any
confrontations with the establishment. At that time, one
old Sufi, a student of Ouspensky who lived out on Sonoma
Mountain Road, told me that he was tired of reading about
Morningstar Ranch and Lou Gottlieb every day in the
newspaper -- ah, his name has come to me -- it was Robert
de Ropp. He said, " You should be like mice over
there." I hope Ramon keeps up his archival
activities on the Well Computer Network. Open intentional
community on land which has been deeded to God has a
fantastic potential for the amelioration of the human
condition. We only glimpsed the possibilities dimly at a
time which was dominated by the Vietnamese War. Many of
the disturbing aspects of city life today are the result
of the need for a space which is relatively free of rules
and regulations. Oh yes, and don't forget the FREE RENT
party. The party of the people. Hasta pronto,
-
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-
- There are some goddesses who cannot keep any clothes on
the minute they enter the redwood forest. There were some
at Morningstar Ranch that actually had no wardrobes.
-
- I don't think I understood much about what was happening
in the sixties until I saw Francis Coppola's Apocalypse
Now. Marlon Brando played the part of a commune
leader whose commune could be considered as the end of
the Hawk trip -- a place to get used to horror.
Morningstar Ranch was exactly one-hundred-and-eighty
degrees out from that. It was the logical consequence of
the Dove trip -- the "hell-no-we-won't-go"
group ideology. War expands the range of available
emotional experiences. For everyone who was suffering an
existence like that depicted in Oliver Stone's Platoon,
there was a flower child into the
'whatever's-right-go-with-the-flow' mode. If someone asks
me what I did during the Vietnamese War, I say "I
gave aid and comfort to draft dodgers."
-
- The German composer Anton Webern claimed that he went
into internal exile during the Nazi time. There were a
lot of hippies who were doing the same during the
Vietnamese War. Many had extraordinary religious talent.
So we had names like Pancake, Cowboy, Tall Tom, Nevada,
Coyote, Gypsy, etc. I remain convinced that something
extremely valuable was discovered during the sixties by
these brave young nonconformists. It has to do with re-tribalization. The hypothesis is that there is an
optimal set of coordinates on the earth's surface for
each individual. If there is a piece of land access to
which is denied no one, the individuals who are most
comfortable on those coordinates will attract the right
mixture of souls. Certain instincts are revived,
including the feeling for the privacy and companionship
needs of other people.
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- Los Angeles, 1990: Lord Jesus Christ, please make
me the greatest pianist in the world, and make me write
hit songs. Thank you for the gift of tears. I know that
when I cry or even feel like crying it is because you are
gradually taking possession of my form, communicating
with me, and I am becoming one with your holy will. I
want to cry a lot more. Thank you for Gail and Pastor
Jack for 'standing in' for you. Make me do the 'greater
things' that you spoke about. Make me an orderly servant
of your will. Help me to keep my space neat. Teach me the
reason for evil, teach me who made Satan. Tell me where I
have sinned so that I may understand repentance. Build me
a place at Morningstar Ranch where I can stay to do some
good in this world. I still want 'whim travel'. I've been
asking for this a long time. Thank you for the skillful
way, the comfortable way free of embarrassment and
display that you led me to accept you into my life.
-
- You have a great pastor in Jack Hayworth and the members
of his congregation. Thank you for making me understand
that in addition to gratitude for health, security,
safety, optimism, etc., that you have always given me, I
thank you for making me understand that prayer is
co-creation. By praying we become God, that is how your
Divine Plan manifests. As children tell Santa Claus in
letters, or in person at the department stores, what they
want for Christmas, so it is your duty in this creation
to make known our desires. As I write, the image on my
computer screen pulsates. Make me the father that Tony
needs. Have Tim tell the story of his relationship to his
father again. Make me know what I should repent. Are you
a jealous God, or can we worship you in any form by any
name?
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- Dear Brother: As you know, I have long been
concerned with religious exclusivity, it's raison d'etre.
Every religion believes that it is the ONLY TRUE PATH,
therefore I assume religious exclusivity is as
responsible for the Gulf War as the ownership of oil in
Kuwait -- Christians vs Muslims. Religious exclusivity is
as responsible as territorial domination for the unending
hassle in Northern Ireland and Lebanon -- Catholics vs.
Protestants in the former, and Christians vs. Jews vs
Muslims in the latter.
- Is God really jealous or is it simply a case of what
Swami Bhakti Vedanta told me, "When you find your
true path, all further study of comparative religion is
mere sense enjoyment?" When Jesus said "I am
the way, the truth and the life, none cometh unto the
Father save through me," did he put Moses, Buddha,
Shiva, Krishna, Muhammad, Ramakrishna, Baha Ullah, etc,
out of business, or did He intend that statement to be a
mantra for the sincere advaitin to become it?
-
- After pondering these questions for too long, and getting
no answers, I decided to start over. I sought out the
staunchest believer in religious exclusivity that I know,
and asked her to take me to church. It turned out that
the church she attends is a branch of the Four Square
Gospel founded by Aimee Semple MacPherson. Curious,
because the only other religious experience I had as a
child beside the Catholic Church was a visit to the
Angelus Temple, Aimee Semple MacPherson's home office,
where I saw a presentation of David vs Goliath. Goliath
was portrayed by a famous wrestler of the time named Man
Mountain Dean who weighed 320 lbs. His portrayal of the
slain giant was unforgettable.
- Last Sunday I asked Jesus to come into my life. I am a
Born Again Christian and will be baptized in the near
future. The Pastor, Jack Hayworth, is an important
'stand-in' for Christ. He emphasizes the need for prayer
as co-creation. By praying we help God design his Divine
Plan, tell Him what needs to be done. Pastor Jack quotes
John Wesley, "God will do nothing on earth except in
answer to believing prayer," adding, " . . .
too few want to accept the fact that if we don't pray, He
won't do anything."
-
- It's a new approach for me. Up to now I assumed that God
can anticipate my needs better than I can know them, and
my chief function in prayer is to express my gratitude
for the myriad blessings I have enjoyed. Today I made a
wish list, and boldly demanded a lot from Him in Jesus'
name. Like a child on Santa's knee at the Emporium I
tried to figger out what I want and told Him. The gift of
tears told me that I am on course. Fascinating.
Hallelujah. The joy I feel is unprecedented. This is my
first 'testimony' as a Born Again. I make it to you, dear
brother, because you are the foremost truth seeker I
know.
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- Los Angeles, 1990: Translating Sri Aurobindo, the
Maha Yogi, into Christological terms is a GREAT IDEA. I
am sure Shiva, the Lord of Synthesis is smiling at the
thought. I am going whole hog or none on this trip. I'm
going for total immersion baptism this Sunday night.
Curiously, I cannot remember the first word in the two
word title that Sri Aurobindo gave his Yoga! I read your
paraphrase to Tim Schumacher, son of Lutheran Bishop Ace
Schumacher, without telling him about its provenance, and
it moved him to tears. I think there are many Christians
that are tired of the WAR AGAINST SATAN analogy that many
pastors including Jack Hayford use continually. I do like
the idea that it is useless to try to conquer desire --
nobody succeeds at that, so what the hell, turn desire
into co-creation through prayer. If your desire is
contrary to God's design, your prayer will not be
answered, if it is in conformity with that design, your
prayer will give its fullfillment top priority. I am
looking for some Biblical citations to bolster
Aurobindo's quietism. I think they would be easier to
find in the Philokalia. I LOVE living on the seventh
floor. I can change my visual focus from twenty inches to
twenty miles by merely looking up from my monitor. Maybe
this will keep my ol' orbs operational for a few more
years. Also I never draw the blinds so -- heliotrope that
I am -- I rise with the sun and begin to pray. This is my
cave on Mount Kailasa, and I hope nobody comes around to
kick me awake. Allahu Akbar!!! Yours for ever growing
synthesis!
-
- Los Angeles: Re: praising God. I
guess what I am looking for or trying to find is as way
to praise God 'democratically'.
- "Awesome holiness, majestic splendor,
blazing glory, limit- less power, unquestionable
sovereignty, flawless character, infinite wisdom and
knowledge, absolute justice, unswerving faithfulness,
unending mercy, matchless grace, terrible wrath against
sin, dazzling beauty, fascinating personality,
incomprehensible humility, unsearchable understanding,
unfathomable love." This list of praiseworthy
attributes comes from a book entitled Intimate Friendship
with God by one Joy Dawson whom I heard preach recently.
All true and applicable, no doubt, but difficult for me
to say. It seems a language better suited to buttering up
an Eastern potentate from whom some advantage is sought.
I mean, does God want to hear all that?
-
- No trouble agreeing with Ms. Dawson saying,
"We acknowledge that our greatest need is to have a
far greater revelation of what You are really like. We
ask You to meet that need." Or with Moses,
"Teach us Your ways, that we may know You and find
favor in Your sight."
-
- About what specifically does God want to be
praised? When I observe the creation, it is the colors
which elicit wonder and admiration most spontaneously. So
what is the formulation? "You really got a feel for
color combinations, Heavenly Father. I love what you're
doing!" Or, "reflecting upon the elegance of
the design of the human hand or the system of genetic
selection which apparently incorporates every advance
fills me with reverence and star-struck amazement, for
your creative power. So, Heavenly Father, you are a
fabulous designer, believe me!"
-
- It may be that ecstatic utterance is the
only way to praise God adequately, and that may be its
appropriate function.
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- Occidental, 12/92: The last two days I have been
luxuriating in the illusion of progress at the keyboard.
There is no greater ecstasy for me. And by the way, by
moving to Sonoma County I save one thousand, that's right
one thousand dollars per year on my auto insurance and
have greater coverage!
-
- Tim Schumacher is coming up from Los Angles tomorrow
night to spend Saturday and part of Sunday here. I've
been reading Matthew Fox's The Cosmic Christ and enjoying
it hugely. Wilder Bentley's into Matthew Fox too. Maybe
we should see if we three -- or more? -- could get an
interview with the man. He is a biggie, no doubt.
Otherwise my intellectual life is right at the level of
the average denizen of the Union Hotel Bar where I've
been spending entirely too much time lately. It is an
unusual bar room. It's possible to start a conversation
about the nature of God with a total stranger and not be
thought weird.
-
- I was sitting at the Occidental Crafts Fair last Sunday
when a complete stranger came by and asked if I would
like to get rid of my liver spots. I 'lowed as how I
would, and he said put castor oil on 'em for three months
and they'll be gone. I've taken his advice and have kept
them oiled for four days now. I don't notice any change
yet. Hasta luego,
-
- . . . .
-
- Got back in time to watch Stephen light his solstice
bonfire inviting the sun to return. Local pagans turned
out and a good time was had by all.
-
- This is the kind of foggy morning the redwoods love.
Great big drops of dew plashing down from collections on
the leaves. I feel like getting back into bed and
entertaining prurient thoughts. But, no, I must tend to
the details. Sleigh bells ring, are ya listenin'? . . . .
When I think of all the brains, experience, creativity
and fun of "our gang", I am perpetually puzzled
by our relative inability to come up with an idea that is
profitable but does not pollute and can create jobs for
others. I think the main reason is that we are unable to
sacrifice the requisite amount of lifetime to produce
profit. Salli says she regularly works eleven hour days!
I can no longer -- if I ever could -- work more than four
hours per day. But there should be no cash shortages for
us because we do not live extravagantly
-
- . . .
-
- Back from freeeeezing Wisconsin. It's hard to understand
why anyone would voluntarily put up with that encumbrance
-- I mean just the time spent putting on and taking off
clothes is humungous. Wonderful weather for ice
sculpture. They had three guys with a chain saw carving a
huge dove of peace on the banks of Lake Michigan in the
back yard of the hotel yesterday. That's one career that
has very little appeal, in my view.
-
- I've got beaucoup catching up on my correspondence to do,
otherwise it is a beautifully crisp sunny morning.
-
- Happy New Year!!
-
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- A favorite photo of Lou at
Morningstar Ranch in 1968, first published in The
Morning Star Scrapbook . He seems to project a
well-honed balanced of saint and rascal,.his intellect
purring on all 36 cylinders while he ponders what new and
exciting adventures-theories-enlightenments he can dream
up. But the main theme of Lou's philosophy of life always
was: "IT MUST BE FUN!"
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-
Lou with Jeanie
Nelson
- "UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
nothing is going to get better. It's not." --Dr.
Seuss
Lou double-exposed with magnolia tree
-
Lou Gottlieb 1923-1996
-
Lou's granddaughter Miranda
-
- "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the
unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to
himself. Therefore all progress depends on the
unreasonable man." -- George Bernard Shaw
-
-
Lou's 70th birthday at Morning
Star Ranch, with son Tony and granddaughter Rachel - 1993
-
- "Practice dying, that was Plotinus' advice. I hope
that was Plotinus, as Groucho used to say. I pray that I
will have no one around me so attached that they clutter
up my experience of this passage with apprehension of any
kind." Lou - November, 1992
-
Lou in October 1993
-
- God spare us all from illness and take us home quickly
when that great trumpet sounds. Amen. Lou - January, 1993
-
-
Lou at Morningstar, April 1996
-
- "Bach! It's amazing how it just flows effortlessly
when you fix your mind firmly on the Divine! Of course,
practicing four hours a day helps a little."
-
Lou at Star Mountain Ranch, 1993
-
-
Lou in Kentucky, 1992
-
Lou in Los Angeles - 1990
-
-
Lou at Morning Star
with Ramon - April, 1996
-
- My Great Discovery
- Alleluia! In my 67th year I have reason to
believe there is a remedy for the chronic disease I have
suffered from all my life. The name of this malady is
pernicious disorder. Its principal symptoms are clutter
and the consequent irritation at interruptions and
distractions caused by having to waste time looking for
"lost" items -- including things I may have had
in my hands not two minutes before their disappearance.
-
- In order to live with this disease, I had
ultimately accepted it as God's will. If I misplaced
something and had to interrupt whatever I was working on
to look for it, that was God telling me He didn't need me
working on that particular ego trip at that time -- that
I should be doing something else. My assumption was that
doing His Blessed Will was easy -- minimal inertia.
Things tend to fall into place. Not a bad idea, but
certainly no cure.
-
- I found the following divinely simple
treatment on page 172 of the Third Edition of the
Macintosh Bible, in a paragraph written by Arthur Naiman:
What is it? A Wrong Place Box -- a big cardboard box in a
central location. If an object has no assigned place, I
now put it in the Wrong Place Box. If I can't find
something where I left it, I look first in the Wrong
Place Box.
-
- It's hard to believe that I have lived this
long without having stumbled upon this simple expedient,
but it actually seems to be working. I now have a Wrong
Place Box in my bedroom, in my study AND on the desktop
of my Mac. Oh, oh -- I seem to have misplaced the Wrong
Place Box in my study! Hoping that the news of my
miraculous cure will make you blissful, I remain, your
well organized compadre, -- Lou
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Contents
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- Lou in Los Angeles: Yesterday we spent twelve -- that's
12 -- hours in the recording studio. And another six
today. They've gone crazy about intonation. We do each
line of text at least twenty times to get it right on
pitch. The Limeliters Singing On Pitch?! Cows in
Berkeley?! It's a conspiracy entered into by all three of
my colleagues.
-
- Now, let's open our Bibles (The New English Bible) to
Numbers, Chapter 35, Verse 6:
-
- (The LORD speaking to Moses.) "When you give the
Levites their towns, six of them shall be CITIES OF
REFUGE in which the homicide may take
sanctuary."
-
- It's about time to establish at least ten CITIES OF
REFUGE in California where even the murderers -- or
potential murderers -- can be free from prosecution.
Because the next expression of desperation on the part of
people whose labor is no longer needed might well include
homicide along with arson and burglary.
-
- Given the right "set and setting," the
desperate can start figgering out what is really worth
doing. Making love, gardening, all artistic endeavor,
cooking, entertaining and educating children, athletic
contests, these are a few suggestions from "Goof 'n'
Ball Park, the starship of the fleet.
-
- God had better be legal owner of the city, so that the
answer to the question, "Who's in charge here?"
is an index finger pointed heavenward. Divine guidance
must be harnessed to solve the problem of technological
unemployment.
-
- We are headed into an epoch of compulsory leisure, as
many recording engineers will learn as soon as everybody
has Audio Trax booted up and running on their
Mac-centered MIDI setups.
-
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- Ramon: Darn, still short a few columns, so maybe
I'll think upon Lou a bit more. It was foggy in San
Francisco on Sunday July 14th, but the East Bay was
golden with sunshine, and a brisk breeze kept the fog at
bay. Judy and I drove with Tim Schumacher to the Rolling
Hills Memorial Park, up Route 80 a few miles after
passing the "Y" to the Richmond-San Rafael
Bridge, actually visible on the right before the exit
comes up.
-
- Of course I had been thinking almost obsessively about
Lou ever since word came via Stephen of his death.
"Stunned' barely describes my feelings of loss --
the emptiness that my dear co-aspirant's passing created
inside me. Lou was such a presence, with such a charming
tendency to move to 'center stage.' Most of us eagerly
and willingly allowed him to take over social gatherings
because he was so -- well, so Lou! Funny, charming, witty
in turn -- incisive, insightful, coo-coo.
-
- I thought how Lou was the consummate entertainer -- that
was one facet, but there were many. Brother Stephen today
mentioned "I've identified at least seven different
people living inside me," but he could have been
talking about the Maestro also -- about me. There was Lou
the Impatient. For someone so warm and welcoming of
others, he could draw a line where his empathy ended
because "I do not like to be depressed." I've
pondered this, and concluded that it was because others'
pain affected him too deeply, so it became agonizing for
him to let it in.
-
- I feel guilty analyzing my dear departed best friend like
this. It hardly seems the right time to be critiquing
Lou, but he does say "tell all".
-
- Of course I berated myself for not having dropped
everything and driven up last Monday to check on the
situation. Instead I consulted with others and decided
that perhaps it was a 'mood' thing. Lou had not been
communicating on computer mail in his usual
three-times-a-week manner throughout the previous month,
and I had assumed it was because of a busier Limeliter
concert schedule. Now I began to wonder otherwise.
-
- Then there is -- tah-tah! -- The Master Bull, another
facet of Lou. The opposite sex gravitated easily into his
orbit, and Lou certainly enjoyed their presences. But if
a woman came 'too close', he pushed her away. For someone
who did not believe in fences, he did have very defined
boundaries and a 'fear of intimacy.' I know he needed to
sleep by himself, and that at least one long-term partner
interpreted this as a rejection. She just could not get
over the fact that Lou was not a "cuddler."
-
- I'll have the following theory about this: there are
people who find the physical presence of another in bed
soothing when they are falling asleep, and there are
those who find it disturbing -- twin beds vs. double bed.
I often have wondered if this has to do with how early,
as a baby, the person was placed in their own crib. One
either imprints 'empty space' or 'the maternal presence'
as sleep-inducing. Those of us cuddled and allowed to
sleep in the family bed evolve into better 'cuddlers. I
don't know how to test and prove this theory. A
questionnaire?
-
- At Lou's funeral, it was hard for me to find any
comforting words to say to Lou's Tony, Judith and Bill
and Rachel. Their father's death had come like a bolt of
lightning, with no indications that Lou was suffering
from terminal cancer of the intestine and spleen. I kept
thinking that his mild case of diabetes must have masked
some pain, and been blamed for whatever occasional
discomfort he felt. The e-mail 'alert' of the previous
Monday (see first item p. 3) he followed up on Tuesday
and Wednesday with reassuring phone messages. In
retrospect, I think the alarm caused by his e-mail had
made him realize he would have to break the news of his
impending departure more gently or he would have a crowd
at his bedside imploring him not to leave.
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- I pondered these thoughts while more old family friends
gathered and took their seats. After an introduction by
Lou's daughter Judith, words of remembrance and love were
spoken by Alex Hassilev, Judith, Tony, Bill and Rachel,
Glenn sang Danny Boy in that golden tenor voice that
contains just enough vibrato to melt the heart without
becoming schmalzy. The Kaddish was recited, and Lou's old
sculptor friend Izzy added his enthusiastic voice, still
going strong in his eighties. The Limeliters then sang
"Circles" and invited everyone to join in.
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- Afterwards, those who wished to walked down the hill to
the grave site. Lou has a 'front row' place next to his
dad Abe. The view out over the bay is majestic, framed by
weeping willows. I felt grateful that Lou had chosen to
be 'planted' rather than scattered. This gives those of
us who need some vestige of his presence the opportunity
to visit his mortal remains in a truly scenic spot. Of
course it's the spirit that matters, but thanks Lou, for
this last bit of thoughtfulness!
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- Rena Morningstar: During the Rolling
Hills Memorial Park ceremony, we held a memorial service
in a waterfall pool the ocean laps into at high tide at Kipahulu, Maui. Lou's goddaughters Osheana (Bill's
sister) and Anjuli (Diony's Angel), Diony, Lily and I
immersed ourselves in the water with prayer, love,
friends, children, while Lou was being buried. Love to
all,
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- And finally, no memorial to Lou would be
complete without telling an off-color joke:
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- Lou 5/89: You heard the one about the duck
that went to the pharmacy and said, "I want to buy a
condom." The pharmacist said, "Certainly, shall
I put it on your bill?" And the duck said,
"What kind of a duck do you think I am?"
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