| The MOST (Morning Star) NewsletterJuly 1996 Volume IV #1An Activity of the KIT Information Service A Project of The Peregrine Foundation
P.O. Box 460141 San Francisco, CA 94146-0141
 telephone: (415) 821-2090 / fax: (415) 282-2369
 Staff: Ramon Sender, editor; Vivian Gotters, Pam Read Hanna,
Sandi Stein, Contributing Editors; John & Jeanie Nelson,
Assistant Editors  The MOST Newsletter is an open forum for fact and opinion, and
encourages the expression of all views. The opinions expressed in
the letters published are those of the correspondents and do not
necessarily reflects those of MOST editors or staff.  "What Go 'Round Come Around"
    Howdy, gang! Okay, so it's been a while. We are all so
        loaded up with "labor-saving devices,"
        (computers, World Wide Web browsers, URL's, Home Pages,
        phone answering machines, modems, voice mail, e-mail,
        telecom connections of all flavors, fax machines, that
        there just has been no time to kick back enough to get in
        the MOST Newsletter groove.   But then Uncle Lou did the unthinkable, and that was to
        DIE ON US! "No, Lou, don't die!" many of us
        called out. "You PROMISED TO STICK AROUND!"   
    "Sorry, dear hearts," he seemed to reply.
        "God sent me a Special Delivery that read: 'Lou, we
        need you immediatemente -- subito -- right now!'
        And when God calls, you can't give Her excuses. So -- whoom! -- I'm off! Love to all! See you later!"   
    This is a special "In Memory of Our Lou
        Gottlieb" issue. So tell your secretary to 'hold the
        calls,' slip out of your left brain and float downstream
        on a wave of sorrowful nostalgia. I originally started to write this issue out on the sun
        deck, the computer on the end of an extension cord,
        literally the first time that I figured out how to
        word-process outdoors. I was trying to pay heed to Chief
        White Eagle's wise words from 1969, "Hippies are
        people who are smart enough to go outside when the sun is
        shining." The sun was shining -- we had been blessed
        with perfect springtime weather, and projects or no
        projects, I was determined to 'get some en-solar-ment' to
        counter my indoor grayed-out look.   
    Anyway, "Aloha" and "Hola" and
        "Yoo-hoo!" to our wide-spread tribe. And a VERY
        HAPPY BUEN VIAJE to Uncle Lou who no doubt at this
        very moment is explaining to the assembled heavenly
        throngs what the situation is here earthside that needs
        special divine attention. Badaba, Lou!  "Meanwhile, Back On The
        Ranch"
            Table of
                Contents
 Vivian Gotters
 Nancy Collins
 Rena Morningstar
 Pam Read Hanna
 Stephen Fowler"Adios!"
 Ramon Sender
 Salli Rasberry
 photo of Rachel Laws at the grave
 Sandi Stine
 Sister Benedicta
 John Cable Car Nelson
 Some Photos from Lou's Burial
 Lou Gottlieb Weird Happening
 Lou Gottlieb Basic Rap
 Lou Gottlieb A Later
                Addendum
 Lou Gottlieb 4/24/89
 Lou Gottlieb 4/30/89
 Lou Gottlieb 5/9/89
 Lou Gottlieb Recherche du
                temps perdue
 Lou Gottlieb Apocalypse
                Now
 Lou Gottlieb L.A 1990
 Lou Gottlieb Dear Brother
 Lou Gottlieb L.A. re
                Aurobindo
 Lou Gottlieb re Praising God
 Lou Gottlieb Occidental
                12/92
 Lou portrait in 1968 Occidental
                12/92
 Lou Gottlieb Various Photos
                & Quotes
 Lou Gottlieb My Great
                Discovery
 Lou Gottlieb Cities of
                Refuge
 Ramon Sender
 Rena Morningstar
 Off-Color Joke
 
 
    Lou Gottlieb, our own very dear "Uncle Lou,"
        did indeed 'drop the body,' to use one of his phrases, at
        11:42 A.M. Thursday, July 11th, at Palm Drive hospital in
        Sebastopol, California, and mahasamadhi'd at the age of
        72. It happened to be his Limeliter partner Alex
        Hassilev's birthday ("A final 'Lou joke'," Alex
        said mournfully). It also happened to be Bliss Buys
        Cochran's birthday too, and it also happened to be TOO
        SOON and TOO SUDDEN for all his family, lovers, friends,
        fans, acquaintances and admirers. But like the
        professional performer he was, he got off the stage
        quickly when his act was over, refused any surgical
        intervention or heroic measures from the Emergency Room
        staff, went into deep mediation and departed for the next
        level.   
    It will take some time for his dear hearts to absorb the
        impact of this event, at least for your newsletter
        editor, for one. But I'm convinced that Lou's presence
        upstairs will also hasten the spiritual evolution of all
        of us here below. Hasta lluego, brother.   
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
    Vivian Gotters, 7/16/96: My dear Lou: Well, how's
        life on the other side? You slipped away so easily -- and
        you took a part of me with you. How kind you are. I have
        never understood the idea of sacrifice -- of offering up
        a life to God. But now I understand that when an
        enlightened one passes, those who love you follow you one
        step closer to Heaven. Expanding consciousness. I kept
        telling you that you'd see the Millennium, never dreaming
        that it would be your Passing that would herald the
        transition.   
    How noble you were in those last moments! Thank you for
        letting me be there.   
    We planted you at Rolling Hills Cemetery on Sunday
        afternoon on that beautiful hillside next to your father.
        Spencer Paul, your grandson, wanted us to open the coffin
        so that he could see you again. He spoke for us all. We
        wanted one last chance to visit, one last chance to say
        the things we didn't get to say, to do the things we
        didn't get to do...   
    The greatest pain for those closest to you, especially
        your children, was that they were not with you. And I
        know that the hardest part for you was letting go of
        them, so I understand why they couldn't have been there.
        I remember when you said that you wanted to do one more
        "significant" thing with your life so that your
        children would be proud of you. And I said that all they
        probably want at this point is to know that you're proud
        of them. With a wave of you hand you said, "Oh, they
        know I'm proud of them. If there's one thing they know,
        it's how proud I am of them."   
    The shock of the last few days is wearing off and the
        pain is setting in. I know how you hate to dwell on the
        "down" side, so I won't. Let's just say you are
        missed. All my love as always,  
    Your Lady of the Lake,   
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
    Nancy Collins, 7/16/96: I feel as though I have
        witnessed the most perfectly orchestrated death, having
        been the fortunate one that Lou picked to die with. In
        his last year of life, he felt healthier than he had
        since his thirties. He lost 90 pounds and went to the gym
        three times a week. He had conquered his only bad habit
        -- overeating, and was eating fat-free and small
        portions. He commented that his losing his obsession with
        food cleared his mind.  
    Living at Morning Star, teaching piano, he had a strict
        daily regimen of four hours each morning on the piano.
        These hours extended until he once actually thought it
        was Thursday and it was Sunday. He had finally reached
        "piano bliss." During one of these periods, he
        recorded himself playing Bach, which had frustrated him
        more than anything. Lou was at peace with everyone and
        had no more curiosity. He had accomplished everything he
        ever wanted to in life.   
    Please God, let us all be so lucky and give us the will
        to keep trying to accomplish our dreams. Thank you, Lou,
        for allowing me to have such a great friend and such
        fond, colorful memories.   
    Rena Morningstar, 7/16/96: Let us
        remember Lou's Vision and do our best to live it. We are
        a family attempting to live together in harmony. We were
        having too much fun, and so the authorities tried to put
        a stop to it. Although I've traveled and now live in the
        North Pacific, I have found that there's truly nothing
        like the Morningstar Experience! Almost 30 years later,
        and I'm smiling! Let us show our children the vision,
        that they may attempt to donate their land and their work
        to God!   
    Thank you for loving Lou. We can continue to
        love Lou!  
    -- RNA-- Rena MorningStar   
    P.S. Historians take note: although I spent
        six wildly happy years with Lou, and our son Bill Vishnu
        Gottlieb was consciously conceived, we chose to live
        outside of wedlock. You may call me a 'Soul Mate.'
        Thanks, Lou! Our souls will play again!   
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
    Pam Read Hanna, 7/16/96: I'm howling for Lou. I'm
        not accepting this worth a tinker's damn. Everybody's
        going to be eulogizing him up the kazoo but I'm just
        banging around between being super pissed that he didn't
        tell us he was in extremis and melting into tears because
        he's gone and we're still here and I can't ask him any
        more questions or tell him any of my latest brilliant
        theories or turn him on to books I'm reading or movies I
        just saw. He's gone! He's fucking outta here!   
    I can just hear my #1 son Adam Siddhartha saying,
        "Hey, that's deep, Pam." In some morbid frenzy
        of self-indulgent grief, I called his number and got his
        answering machine and heard his voice saying he'd call
        back -- but he's not going to call back, or come back or
        be back here in the outback on this god-forsaken planet
        full of losers who are still alive. He pushed us all away
        these last couple months. He must have known he was about
        to check out. I was saving up stuff I wanted to talk to
        him about for when he was in a better mood. Well, he sure
        as hell must be in a better mood right about now, but
        we're all on hold.   
    At least one of us, one of our tribe -- Vivian -- was
        with him at the last moment. She said maybe he was
        keeping people at a distance because he knew that if we
        knew where he was really at, we'd have all flown out
        there and we would have been right up in his face saying
        "Lou, don't go" We'd have gone for the jugular
        too. "Lou, don't leave us -- we need you," we'd
        have said, "We need your spin on the cosmos. We need
        your funny dirty stories and we need your half-baked
        theories on everything imaginable, we need your...
        presence." That's what clued me in that I wasn't
        even grieving for Lou. I'm grieving for my own loss. Lou
        is probably grooving like he's never grooved before. I
        can just hear him saying something like, "Dear
        hearts, the music of the spheres has an unequalled rhythm
        section. It's definitely a must hear." Every other
        time he experienced something extraordinary, we'd get his
        take on it in his voice. What's hard to accept is that
        we're not going to get his take on it this side of the
        grave. So we're the ones who are pissed off, left out,
        and holding the bag. With our collective consciousness,
        we would have made him stay -- in great pain. Yeah, we
        might very well have done that -- if we knew. But we
        didn't know. He e-mailed us that all was cool and he was
        feeling better. But he knew. He knew it was his time and
        he was ready. So what all this amounts to is that I'm
        feeling extraordinarily sorry for myself, champing at the
        bit and wishing I had somebody to be mad at because Uncle
        Luya checked out and didn't leave a forwarding address.
        Just like him! He could be SO-ooo exasperating! Between
        bouts of keening, wailing and howling, I did have a
        thought -- it was that in all conversations with him that
        even remotely brushed on the death of the body, he always
        let everybody know he was ready. Once I was rattling on
        to him about these people in a desert somewhere who ate
        right, exercised, meditated and did yoga -- applied
        geriatrics -- and they were living to be 120+ years old.  
    "Whaddaya thinka that, Lou?" I asked him.   
    And he said, "Well darlin', I'm really more
        interested in going on to what's next."   
    That's Lou. OK, shot my load. Wailing in the weeds,
        keening to the cosmos, howling in the hailstorm -- our
        Patriarch is dead. God love him.   
    Oh damn -- I forgot to say that I so much ASSUMED that
        Lou would stick around for the millennium and we'd all
        party hearty. Another thing I didn't say is how much a
        mentor he was to me. He shaped my attitudes and approach
        on everything for decades -- and I know I'm not the Lone
        Ranger. In my particular case, he was friend, mentor, and
        I didn't get it that he was my mentor until he died. I
        just didn't snap! Can you beat that? More than a father
        figure -- a real sure-'nuf guru-mentor type relationship
        -- with me scrapping and kvetching all the way.   
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
    Adios, General Paton! by Stephen Fowler  
    You can talk about Lou Gottlieb's brilliant mind, his
        sense of humor, his musical skill and erudition; you can
        praise his generosity, his tolerance and his deep sense
        of what it means to be civil in this world; you might
        enumerate his amazing number of friends (both famous and
        obscure), his sexual exploits, the dollars earned and
        spent. I want to talk about his feet.   
    Don't forget, Lou was the only child of a respected
        orthopedic surgeon, a man who, Lou proudly pointed out,
        lectured on podiatry as well as practicing it.
        Characteristically, Lou's capacious mind had absorbed a
        great deal of his father's knowledge, and he could talk
        authoritatively about the agonies of corns, chilblains,
        bunions, fallen arches and gout. I believe he knew the
        names of most of the bones in the foot. His father, who
        must have seen a lot of feet, may have been awestruck at
        the sight of his son's size 15's.   
    Yes, Lou Gottlieb's pedal extremities were truly
        colossal!   
    Shortly after Lou began his four-year stay here at what
        he liked to call "Camp Fowler," he started
        telling me stories about his years in the army. Lucky Lou
        had, he said, "A very good war," playing music
        in various bands which contained excellent musicians he
        might otherwise not have met, and enjoying the tremendous
        surplus of unattached women. But before the
        "Good" part, he had to go through Basic
        Training, which required strenuous exercise -- not a
        Gottlieb strong point -- and living in a platoon with a
        bunch of non-musicians. He remembered all their names,
        including that of the Hayseed who bragged that he had
        'stump-trained' his favorite heifer. (Always stand uphill
        of 'em," he advised. "That way they back up
        agin ya.") There were also, in that barracks, a few
        Hispanic guys who couldn't believe the magnitude of the
        Gottlieb tootsies. After awhile, they came up with a
        nickname for Lou that punned on the name of a famous
        general and the word for 'foot' in Spanish. His moniker
        henceforth was "General Paton" ("General
        Bigfoot").  
    For a couple of years now, whenever Lou walked into the
        house, I would give my best imitation of a Mexican Army
        irregular saluting his superior and cry out,
        "General Paton!" He would usually reply in
        Spanish, which I have never managed to learn.   
    Finally, one morning Lou didn't show up. Instead, Nancy
        Collins came running up to tell me that Lou had fallen
        off the deck at his cabin and to please call 911. When I
        got down there, Lou was calmly lying on the ground, on
        his back, the blood starting to dry around the edges of
        his broken nose. He quipped that his face would
        henceforth have a lot more character. I asked him where
        it hurt, and he said, "Right here," drawing his
        fingers across his sweatshirt just below his left rib
        cage. I put my hand there, just placed it there lightly
        with the irrational thought that I might draw the trouble
        out and throw it into the bushes or something. But it
        didn't happen, and I looked around for some other way to
        make Lou comfortable. All I could think of was to rub his
        cold, bare feet.  
    Rachel, his granddaughter, tells me that her last contact
        with Lou was also that she was rubbing his very cold feet
        just before he passed.   
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
    Ramon Sender, 7/16/95: Lou Gottlieb opened his
        Morningstar Ranch to all comers in 1966. In 1968, a
        permanent injuction forbade Lou to entertain further
        guests. His fines totalled over $14,000 and he spent a
        week in jail on contempt of court. By 1972 the structures
        at Morningstar Ranch had been bulldozed by the county
        three times.  
    Lou did more good for more people than any one single
        person that I've ever known. He's getting a big welcome
        Upstairs, that's for sure. My 'take' on his early exit is
        that although insisted he was enjoying his
        semi-retirement, he also was twiddling his thumbs a bit
        sitting on the bench. His talents were too important to
        be wasted, so God tapped him on the shoulder and said,
        "Lou, have we got a job for you in Sector
        Arg-Sniggle-Warpsniffer 12! So enough, already, of this
        piano-playing in the redwoods. We're beaming you
        up!"   
    But I'm sort of peeved about the suddeness of it, if you
        know what I mean...   
    Salli Rasberry, 7/17/96: A bright
        yellow hand-carved sign that hangs over the entrance to
        The Coffin Garden in Salli's garden advises "Bloom
        Where You're Planted." The Coffin Garden is nestled
        in an orchard of fruit trees, sunflowers and wildflowers
        surrounded by lavender where artists, musicians,
        gardeners and anyone interested in awakening and changing
        consciousness about death are invited. Delia Moon and
        Salli Rasberry have dedicated a bench to celebrate Lou,
        swap stories, sketch a flower, or just be.   
    
    
        
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
    Sandi Stein, July 15,1996: I thought today after
        the services, it would be better, that I would shoulder
        my pain and go on about my business. Today it is not
        better. When I awoke this morning, I realized that one
        very important voice that has sounded so clearly for so
        long in the background of my life has fallen silent, as
        if that one really big bass note in the theme song of my
        life has suddenly stopped. The words and tune go on, but
        somehow the sound is thinner, having lost some important
        character of its depth and richness. And I am sure that
        it is in the course of every day living, of casual
        conversations, thinking, and spiritual pursuits that my
        life will be impoverished to both greater and lesser
        extents minus Lou's commentary and wisdom.   
    I know that Lou had closer and better friends than I. Yet
        somehow he always made me feel important, often
        introducing me as "the youngest graduate of the
        Morningstar class of '67" even though I remember
        contributing little other than my presence and an open
        ear to many a gathering on the porch of his studio.   
    Now in retrospect, I understand the power of what I was
        witness to there, in the conversations and arguments
        about voluntary primitivism, right livelihood,
        Christianity, Buddhism, Nihilism, politics, birth, poetry
        and every other directional perspective on the compass of
        human meaning that can be conceptualized, and of course
        then some.   
    The watchful diet of my formative years consisted of
        other delicacies besides conversation as well, watching
        you built musical instruments in the tall summer grass,
        the births of Sol Ray, Raspberry, Rainbow and Vish and
        many more, Choctaw's herbal Indian lore, John Nelson
        launching his water bed from high atop the redwood
        canopy, the bikers, bulldozers, rebuilding, early morning
        Bach, and behind it all, the sound of Lou's voice, rising
        into an enthusiastically crescendo, and then falling into
        the quiet of some shared secret regarding his latest
        acquisition of infinite interests and best beginner's
        mind. "The idea is the thing, you see, my
        dear".  
    So my intention here is not to Guru-ize, or eulogize Lou.
        He was a big enough soul in his own right not to need
        that kind of press from me. My intention is to share my
        love and his importance to me. And that love and
        importance are in and of themselves more profound than
        the most eloquent words or any handful of narcissists
        clamoring for godhood. He was neither narcissist or guru,
        far too caring for one and admittedly fallible for the
        other. But in my book, great soul might not fall too far afield. I believe I have known a few, and he was clearly
        one.   
    So in closing, I want to say that the conspiracy to
        change the world that blossomed in those many dialogues I
        witnessed as an adolescent became the rock upon which I
        build my life. If you want to see what was said, look
        into any corner of my adult existence, and you can't help
        but find anarchy, community, the notion of open land,
        spiritual seeking, and I hope what is more than a
        generous helping of beginner's mind. Now too you will
        also find silence where there was an ongoing clamor, a
        passionate living dialogue for change. Perhaps that
        stillness will grow less noticeable with time, yet I
        think that big bass note that is gone from the chorus of
        my life is simply irreplaceable, and that I shall miss it
        until the trumpet sounds for me as well.   
    May all roads lead us home. Ba-Da-Ba!   
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
    Sister Benedicta, Order of St. Helena (Ramon's
        sister) 7/13/96: Here's my story about meeting Lou. It
        was right after I'd moved in to a very posh building on
        67th street in Manhattan, and felt rather out of my
        league in terms of social class, so I was trying to keep
        a low profile and act very respectable. At 10:30 P.M. Lou
        called and introduced himself as Ramon's friend, (and I'd
        heard Ramon speak of him) so as 'right now' was the only
        time our schedules meshed, I gulped and said "Come
        on up."   
    Lou arrived in a sort of woodsman's green suit and full
        beard, 10:45 P.M., and we got talking about Spanish
        mystics (a favorite subject of mine) about which he was
        very knowledgeable and astute. Somehow this innocent
        conversation lasted until the small hours until I
        regretfully showed him out at an hour that no doorman was
        going to think we were discussing Teresa of Avila. Well,
        I thought I'd live it down by being super-respectable in
        the future.  
    The following night I got a call that my sister-in-law
        Alicia had a medical emergency (2:00 A.M.) so out I tore
        into the night. The third night I was in that building,
        Sr. Ruth arrived in full habit with an overnight bag to
        spend the night. I told our American mother Julia about
        all this, commenting "They'll never know what to
        make of all this!   
    "Oh they'll have no trouble with that," she
        replied. "They'll just think that you're living a
        dissolute life, and your family is sending in the church
        to rescue you!"   
    I enjoyed Lou's visit enormously and I also enjoyed
        reading his input in Ramon's MCI box. So I shall post an
        intercession request, light a candle, and do my best to
        pray for him and all those that shall miss him!   
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
    John 'Cable Car' Nelson, 7/14/96: I never felt I'd
        left the ranch and shaken its dust from my earthly
        raiment, till word received by wire did chill my soul...
        the word that Lou had passed. He liberated spirits and
        laughed at their antics. He sought mastery and got
        Mystery ...and there -- that land called Morningstar --
        he channeled human droplets into a rivulet ...into a
        stream of consciousness breaching the banks of the
        rivulet... and we now are left to find our laughter and
        our prayers, we bright and morning stars...  
    I had decided to grow dope under the bed (the repository
        of all things illicit in my youth). A waterbed suspended
        from redwoods accessed by a green moss mother stump ramp
        would give me succor and comfort after my grueling labors
        in the city. I could see it so clearly -- a bubble above
        and below a suspended lens of water that warmed the
        evening and cooled the day -- and Lou could see it. But
        his eyes, I think, rolled heavenward even as he nodded
        approval of the project.   
    (....I placed an Abraham Lincoln rose from my garden on
        his pinewood box and tucked a bud into the stem lattice
        of granddaughter Rachel's flowers by his side....)   
    Four fifty-gallon drums rolled to site. The hose mouth
        disgorged water to fill the bed hidden by brush and
        redwoods below on the upper slopes of a dome-shaped
        hillside. Lou was at my side, eyes wide with wonder and
        delight when, after loud crashing and pregnant screams,
        the redwood grove delivered a bounding blob of water into
        and across the meadow and, continuing to gather speed,
        disappeared into the woods beyond (there its unexplained
        passage through a small encampment became the basis of
        myth and legends from which a few UFO cults were later
        formed... ).   
    "My boy, you've outdone yourself," Lou said,
        after minutes of sustained laughter.   
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  Some Photos From Lou's Burial
  
    |  | Nancy Collins hugs Jimmy Small. |  
    |   | Vivian Gotters with Lou's grandson Spencer Gottlieb as
      guests gather at Rolling Hills Memorial Park. |  
    |  | Glenn Yarbrough - pure gold on the high note of Danny
        Boy. 
 |  
    |   | Rick Dougherty and Alex Hassilev -- for now, a Limeliter
        Duo. |  
    |  | Lee Hartz, mother of Judith and
        Tony Gottlieb. |  
    |  | Judith Gottlieb Spector --
        she's got Lou's talent on stage. |  
    |   | L
        to R: Lee Hartz, her son Tony, Bill Gottlieb (Lou and
        Rena's son) and granddaughter Rachel Laws. |  
    |  | The gathering at the grave. |  
    |   | Spencer helps shovel. |  
    |  | Rachel, Bill, Tony and Lou's godson Mike Winsor. |  
    |  | Grandchildren
        Spencer and Miranda Gottlieb. |  
    |  | Final
        goodbyes to Lou. |  
    |  | Vivian Gotters, the
        grandchildren, Tony and Bill Gottlieb. |  
        
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  Selected Writings by Lou
    Weird Happenings, Monday, July 8, 96: Having
        achieved my weight goal of 200 lbs., on June 29, l996, I
        started experimenting to define a "maintenance'
        diet. My problem started at a July 4th barbecue when I
        had three scoops of delicious, spicy salsa dip, then ate
        a roasted head of garlic drenched in oil and a serving of
        salad with an oily dressing. I followed that up with yet
        another large dip into the salsa. When I swallowed that,
        it was less than a minute before I a radioactive tube of
        cement formed in my upper intestine. Actually it was just
        below my left rib cage near the center.   
    One minute later I was on the floor. Not completely
        passed out, but very weak. I lay there for a half-hour
        and then got up and drove home. I thought it was an
        attack of hyperglycemia. Wrong diagnosis, except that
        taking some anti-hyperglycemic pills did make me feel
        better. Since then I have got steadily weaker. My stool
        is black which indicates I am bleeding internally. It
        could be an ulcer or it could be cancer. Doctor is giving
        me Zantac to stop the bleeding and a whole bunch of blood
        tests to find out what's wrong. I feel like I'm not long
        for this planet, and that's okay with me. I'm gonna stick
        around to see what happens and I'll keep you informed. One thing I have learned -- the intensive care I lavished
        on my diabetes made me overlook some other symptoms, like
        maybe I lost the weight too easily. Hasta lluego,   
    Lou's Basic Rap (as formulated in
        1988) 
    There are always individuals who are
        allergic to life in the mainstream of the society in
        which they live. The goals and incentives offered by that
        society are insufficient inducement for them to work.
        Their need for leisure is greater than their fear of
        unemployment, starvation or homelessness. Publicans and
        sinners, the hoi polloi, bohemians, beatniks, hippies,
        lumpen proletariat, "hooligani,"
        "gusanos," "marielitos," street
        people, the homeless panhandlers found in every American
        city are names which have been used to characterize this
        component of society at various times. These beggars
        provide the opportunity for philanthropic behavior which
        always makes rich people feel good. John D. Rockefeller,
        for example, is reputed to have given away over half a
        billion dollars during his lifetime.  
    However the philanthropic urge is often
        inhibited by the need to decide who is truly worthy of
        help. As reported in Time magazine, these days some only
        give to beggars who are disabled, others give only to
        beggars with children, and the poor are more generous
        than the rich.  
    Twenty years ago, having been lucky enough
        to catch the wave of the "folk scare," I
        fancied myself involved in an attempt to ameliorate the
        human condition. The only kind of philanthropy I could
        think of which did not require judging the qualifications
        of the recipients of my generosity was free rent.  
    As a result of the events at Morning Star
        Ranch between 1966 and 1971, I am still convinced that
        the Bureau of Land Management, which controls more than
        sixteen and a half million acres of land in California,
        should deed a dozen isolated parcels of forty acres each
        to God and see who shows up. These pockets of controlled
        anarchy, I am convinced, can produce lifestyles which
        would be convenient for this element that seems to cause
        embarrassment wherever they appear.  
    The most optimistic facet in the coming two
        decades is that the possessors of the morality necessary
        to rip off the Russian bourgeoisie have died. They have
        been replaced by second-and third-generation Communists
        like Mikhail Gorbachev who are more interested in making
        people happy and don't have to defend or perpetrate any
        further thefts. So we can look forward to a decrease in
        resources devoted to these efforts. In other words, the
        possibility of nuclear conflict has receded, and for that
        everyone should utter praise and thanksgiving. That's
        about the only thing I can see that is totally positive
        for the next twenty years.   
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
    A later addendum: As soon as a "groovy
        scene" of any kind emerges, those in need show up.
        If they are really impossible, someone must ask them to
        leave. That person immediately comes 'way down. The
        problem would be easily solved if there were a dozen or
        so places where "el imposible" could go. One of
        my very good friends, a Morningstar graduate, now
        teaching medicine at a large southern university, came to
        Morningstar straight out of a nuthouse, immediately felt
        at home, and about six months later enrolled at Stanford
        and completed his pre-med training. Land access to which
        is denied none is for people who CANNOT be any where
        else. But if there is only one such
        "establishment" an impossible who might fit
        right in one place, creates friction in the wrong place.   
    But it is the FREE RENT movement that I long to see get
        started. The primary obscenity of our time is the idea
        that a document filed at the county recorder's office
        give a person the right to charge others money to
        "use" a certain section of Mother Earth's sweet
        flowing breast. The are a lot of small property owners
        who are quite comfortable with that notion and they can
        be very vicious if that hallowed prerogative is
        questioned in any way. Ten quidado   
    April 24, '89: I finally got back
        after four weeks of one-niters. The above replacement was
        to have been for Walkinstik Man-Alone who had damaged his
        knee. He was able to complete the tour with us, so my
        Easter Sunday effort was for naught. Highway 126 which
        runs east-west between Baker, Oregon and Eugene goes
        through the Cascade Mountains and some of the most
        beautiful scenery in this entire country. I think a
        backpacking trip may be indicated.   
    I got my autobiography back from Shoshanna.
        I know that my UC Berkeley graduate schoolese (circa
        1958) is not easy reading, but some of her editorial
        suggestions would make my life read like an Inter-Office
        Memo. However she did a great job, and I will follow her
        suggestions to the letter. Writing vocal arrangements, I
        have accepted thousands of suggestions from group singers
        over the last thirty-five years. Each suggestion accepted
        dulls the stylistic profile a little bit. Everybody wants
        me to be more likeable. The sex in the book is too
        explicit and lacks tendresse. So I will try to make the
        book more mannerly, put in more heart, and so on, but I
        think I will keep the down-and-dirty version for
        posthumous publication.   
    April 30, '96: The report on Dr.
        Suzuki's method squares with something I read in the
        intro to his book on violin playing. He told the story of
        of a man that bought a parrot and named it Peeko Muramatsu. He had to repeat
      'Peeko' thirty-five hundred
        times before the parrot could say it, but he learned 'Muramatsu' in only twenty-five repetitions.   
    I can remember the feeling of being in a
        Math class and not getting it. Something like being
        outdistanced in a foot race plus panic. From what I've
        read about dyslexics, that is the way they feel ALL THE
        TIME. Actually, I think dat old devil, The-Fear-Of-Death,
        also plays a part here. I know, I experience it daily as
        I fumble along with my little MIDI setup. (The feeling
        is: "I'll be dead before I understand how to get
        this thing running right.") And it is embarrassing
        to keep asking questions.   
    Somebody told me that Apple cofounder
        Woszniak is teaching a school at the third grade level
        somewhere. It struck me that these electronic bulletin
        boards are something like the Samizdat in the USSR.
        People can read without having to polish each utterance
        until it meets the standards required by commercial
        publication.   
    Did I tell you that both Shoshanna and Linda
        Merrill returned my MS with editorial suggestions, which
        all want to turn me into some kind of role model? I am
        now reading Elia Kazan's autobiography and he is every
        bit as candid as I am. Arthur Miller in his autobio says
        that he never wrote anything really good that didn't
        embarrass him. Ah, that's not it. I've found the exact
        passage (p. 520): "I had never written a good thing
        that had not made me blush (nor did I think anyone else
        had either)."   
    Lincoln Mayorga is coming over in soon, so
        I've got to sign off and clean up this pig sty.   
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
    May 9 '89 from the Well Computer Network: May I
        quote Vladimir de Pachman? "To get a masterpiece to
        the point where one has absolute control over it in all
        conditions requires a greater effort than the ordinary
        music lover can imagine." I do have one little
        Corrente from the G-major Partita of J.S. Bach which is
        almost to that point. To be able to relax the urinary
        sphincter in mid-performance is an incomparable
        experience. Where I live now there is wall-to-wall
        carpeting and I feel it would be most inappropriate to
        let fly under these conditions.   
    All great performances contain a war between ecstasy and
        control. The point is to let go in the muladhara while
        playing the correct notes.   
    No doubt there were some deliriously hilarious moments at Morningstar. My very dear friend Don McCoy was a very
        funny man. At one point he had his hair cut in a Mohowk.
        He loved to play a recording of Eldridge Cleaver's famous
        "Off the pigs" speech on his hi-fi set whenever
        the Sheriff`s deputies made an inspection visit. Once
        while I was jollying a couple of the new deputies on the
        beat, (they had all been told repeatedly to accept
        nothing from the hippies in the way of comestibles lest
        it be laced with LSD or something worse), McCoy comes up,
        naked, of course, his Mohawk bristling and says to the
        cops, "Would you like to stay for dinner? We're
        having ROAST PIG." Yes, there were some
        unclassifiable moments.   
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
    Recherche du temps perdue. I had forgotten
        so many of the incidents, or skirmishes, in the
        confrontation with the authorities of Sonoma County.
        Thank God it was Sonoma County and not Novo Sibirsk or we
        would all have received psycho-therapeutic help. I am
        glad that these events have been written down so clearly
        by Pam, Ramon and others.   
    I do not ever again want to be involved in any
        confrontations with the establishment. At that time, one
        old Sufi, a student of Ouspensky who lived out on Sonoma
        Mountain Road, told me that he was tired of reading about
        Morningstar Ranch and Lou Gottlieb every day in the
        newspaper -- ah, his name has come to me -- it was Robert
        de Ropp. He said, " You should be like mice over
        there." I hope Ramon keeps up his archival
        activities on the Well Computer Network. Open intentional
        community on land which has been deeded to God has a
        fantastic potential for the amelioration of the human
        condition. We only glimpsed the possibilities dimly at a
        time which was dominated by the Vietnamese War. Many of
        the disturbing aspects of city life today are the result
        of the need for a space which is relatively free of rules
        and regulations. Oh yes, and don't forget the FREE RENT
        party. The party of the people. Hasta pronto,   
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
    There are some goddesses who cannot keep any clothes on
        the minute they enter the redwood forest. There were some
        at Morningstar Ranch that actually had no wardrobes.   
    I don't think I understood much about what was happening
        in the sixties until I saw Francis Coppola's Apocalypse
        Now. Marlon Brando played the part of a commune
        leader whose commune could be considered as the end of
        the Hawk trip -- a place to get used to horror.
        Morningstar Ranch was exactly one-hundred-and-eighty
        degrees out from that. It was the logical consequence of
        the Dove trip -- the "hell-no-we-won't-go"
        group ideology. War expands the range of available
        emotional experiences. For everyone who was suffering an
        existence like that depicted in Oliver Stone's Platoon,
        there was a flower child into the
        'whatever's-right-go-with-the-flow' mode. If someone asks
        me what I did during the Vietnamese War, I say "I
        gave aid and comfort to draft dodgers."   
    The German composer Anton Webern claimed that he went
        into internal exile during the Nazi time. There were a
        lot of hippies who were doing the same during the
        Vietnamese War. Many had extraordinary religious talent.
        So we had names like Pancake, Cowboy, Tall Tom, Nevada,
        Coyote, Gypsy, etc. I remain convinced that something
        extremely valuable was discovered during the sixties by
        these brave young nonconformists. It has to do with re-tribalization. The hypothesis is that there is an
        optimal set of coordinates on the earth's surface for
        each individual. If there is a piece of land access to
        which is denied no one, the individuals who are most
        comfortable on those coordinates will attract the right
        mixture of souls. Certain instincts are revived,
        including the feeling for the privacy and companionship
        needs of other people.   
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
    Los Angeles, 1990: Lord Jesus Christ, please make
        me the greatest pianist in the world, and make me write
        hit songs. Thank you for the gift of tears. I know that
        when I cry or even feel like crying it is because you are
        gradually taking possession of my form, communicating
        with me, and I am becoming one with your holy will. I
        want to cry a lot more. Thank you for Gail and Pastor
        Jack for 'standing in' for you. Make me do the 'greater
        things' that you spoke about. Make me an orderly servant
        of your will. Help me to keep my space neat. Teach me the
        reason for evil, teach me who made Satan. Tell me where I
        have sinned so that I may understand repentance. Build me
        a place at Morningstar Ranch where I can stay to do some
        good in this world. I still want 'whim travel'. I've been
        asking for this a long time. Thank you for the skillful
        way, the comfortable way free of embarrassment and
        display that you led me to accept you into my life.   
    You have a great pastor in Jack Hayworth and the members
        of his congregation. Thank you for making me understand
        that in addition to gratitude for health, security,
        safety, optimism, etc., that you have always given me, I
        thank you for making me understand that prayer is
        co-creation. By praying we become God, that is how your
        Divine Plan manifests. As children tell Santa Claus in
        letters, or in person at the department stores, what they
        want for Christmas, so it is your duty in this creation
        to make known our desires. As I write, the image on my
        computer screen pulsates. Make me the father that Tony
        needs. Have Tim tell the story of his relationship to his
        father again. Make me know what I should repent. Are you
        a jealous God, or can we worship you in any form by any
        name?   
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
    Dear Brother: As you know, I have long been
        concerned with religious exclusivity, it's raison d'etre.
        Every religion believes that it is the ONLY TRUE PATH,
        therefore I assume religious exclusivity is as
        responsible for the Gulf War as the ownership of oil in
        Kuwait -- Christians vs Muslims. Religious exclusivity is
        as responsible as territorial domination for the unending
        hassle in Northern Ireland and Lebanon -- Catholics vs.
        Protestants in the former, and Christians vs. Jews vs
        Muslims in the latter.
 
    Is God really jealous or is it simply a case of what
        Swami Bhakti Vedanta told me, "When you find your
        true path, all further study of comparative religion is
        mere sense enjoyment?" When Jesus said "I am
        the way, the truth and the life, none cometh unto the
        Father save through me," did he put Moses, Buddha,
        Shiva, Krishna, Muhammad, Ramakrishna, Baha Ullah, etc,
        out of business, or did He intend that statement to be a
        mantra for the sincere advaitin to become it?   
    After pondering these questions for too long, and getting
        no answers, I decided to start over. I sought out the
        staunchest believer in religious exclusivity that I know,
        and asked her to take me to church. It turned out that
        the church she attends is a branch of the Four Square
        Gospel founded by Aimee Semple MacPherson. Curious,
        because the only other religious experience I had as a
        child beside the Catholic Church was a visit to the
        Angelus Temple, Aimee Semple MacPherson's home office,
        where I saw a presentation of David vs Goliath. Goliath
        was portrayed by a famous wrestler of the time named Man
        Mountain Dean who weighed 320 lbs. His portrayal of the
        slain giant was unforgettable.  
    Last Sunday I asked Jesus to come into my life. I am a
        Born Again Christian and will be baptized in the near
        future. The Pastor, Jack Hayworth, is an important
        'stand-in' for Christ. He emphasizes the need for prayer
        as co-creation. By praying we help God design his Divine
        Plan, tell Him what needs to be done. Pastor Jack quotes
        John Wesley, "God will do nothing on earth except in
        answer to believing prayer," adding, " . . .
        too few want to accept the fact that if we don't pray, He
        won't do anything."   
    It's a new approach for me. Up to now I assumed that God
        can anticipate my needs better than I can know them, and
        my chief function in prayer is to express my gratitude
        for the myriad blessings I have enjoyed. Today I made a
        wish list, and boldly demanded a lot from Him in Jesus'
        name. Like a child on Santa's knee at the Emporium I
        tried to figger out what I want and told Him. The gift of
        tears told me that I am on course. Fascinating.
        Hallelujah. The joy I feel is unprecedented. This is my
        first 'testimony' as a Born Again. I make it to you, dear
        brother, because you are the foremost truth seeker I
        know.   
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
    Los Angeles, 1990: Translating Sri Aurobindo, the
        Maha Yogi, into Christological terms is a GREAT IDEA. I
        am sure Shiva, the Lord of Synthesis is smiling at the
        thought. I am going whole hog or none on this trip. I'm
        going for total immersion baptism this Sunday night.
        Curiously, I cannot remember the first word in the two
        word title that Sri Aurobindo gave his Yoga! I read your
        paraphrase to Tim Schumacher, son of Lutheran Bishop Ace
        Schumacher, without telling him about its provenance, and
        it moved him to tears. I think there are many Christians
        that are tired of the WAR AGAINST SATAN analogy that many
        pastors including Jack Hayford use continually. I do like
        the idea that it is useless to try to conquer desire --
        nobody succeeds at that, so what the hell, turn desire
        into co-creation through prayer. If your desire is
        contrary to God's design, your prayer will not be
        answered, if it is in conformity with that design, your
        prayer will give its fullfillment top priority. I am
        looking for some Biblical citations to bolster
        Aurobindo's quietism. I think they would be easier to
        find in the Philokalia. I LOVE living on the seventh
        floor. I can change my visual focus from twenty inches to
        twenty miles by merely looking up from my monitor. Maybe
        this will keep my ol' orbs operational for a few more
        years. Also I never draw the blinds so -- heliotrope that
        I am -- I rise with the sun and begin to pray. This is my
        cave on Mount Kailasa, and I hope nobody comes around to
        kick me awake. Allahu Akbar!!! Yours for ever growing
        synthesis!   
    Los Angeles: Re: praising God. I
        guess what I am looking for or trying to find is as way
        to praise God 'democratically'.  
    "Awesome holiness, majestic splendor,
        blazing glory, limit- less power, unquestionable
        sovereignty, flawless character, infinite wisdom and
        knowledge, absolute justice, unswerving faithfulness,
        unending mercy, matchless grace, terrible wrath against
        sin, dazzling beauty, fascinating personality,
        incomprehensible humility, unsearchable understanding,
        unfathomable love." This list of praiseworthy
        attributes comes from a book entitled Intimate Friendship
        with God by one Joy Dawson whom I heard preach recently.
        All true and applicable, no doubt, but difficult for me
        to say. It seems a language better suited to buttering up
        an Eastern potentate from whom some advantage is sought.
        I mean, does God want to hear all that?   
    No trouble agreeing with Ms. Dawson saying,
        "We acknowledge that our greatest need is to have a
        far greater revelation of what You are really like. We
        ask You to meet that need." Or with Moses,
        "Teach us Your ways, that we may know You and find
        favor in Your sight."   
    About what specifically does God want to be
        praised? When I observe the creation, it is the colors
        which elicit wonder and admiration most spontaneously. So
        what is the formulation? "You really got a feel for
        color combinations, Heavenly Father. I love what you're
        doing!" Or, "reflecting upon the elegance of
        the design of the human hand or the system of genetic
        selection which apparently incorporates every advance
        fills me with reverence and star-struck amazement, for
        your creative power. So, Heavenly Father, you are a
        fabulous designer, believe me!"   
    It may be that ecstatic utterance is the
        only way to praise God adequately, and that may be its
        appropriate function.   
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
    Occidental, 12/92: The last two days I have been
        luxuriating in the illusion of progress at the keyboard.
        There is no greater ecstasy for me. And by the way, by
        moving to Sonoma County I save one thousand, that's right
        one thousand dollars per year on my auto insurance and
        have greater coverage!   
    Tim Schumacher is coming up from Los Angles tomorrow
        night to spend Saturday and part of Sunday here. I've
        been reading Matthew Fox's The Cosmic Christ and enjoying
        it hugely. Wilder Bentley's into Matthew Fox too. Maybe
        we should see if we three -- or more? -- could get an
        interview with the man. He is a biggie, no doubt.
        Otherwise my intellectual life is right at the level of
        the average denizen of the Union Hotel Bar where I've
        been spending entirely too much time lately. It is an
        unusual bar room. It's possible to start a conversation
        about the nature of God with a total stranger and not be
        thought weird.   
    I was sitting at the Occidental Crafts Fair last Sunday
        when a complete stranger came by and asked if I would
        like to get rid of my liver spots. I 'lowed as how I
        would, and he said put castor oil on 'em for three months
        and they'll be gone. I've taken his advice and have kept
        them oiled for four days now. I don't notice any change
        yet. Hasta luego,   
    . . . .   
    Got back in time to watch Stephen light his solstice
        bonfire inviting the sun to return. Local pagans turned
        out and a good time was had by all.   
    This is the kind of foggy morning the redwoods love.
        Great big drops of dew plashing down from collections on
        the leaves. I feel like getting back into bed and
        entertaining prurient thoughts. But, no, I must tend to
        the details. Sleigh bells ring, are ya listenin'? . . . .
        When I think of all the brains, experience, creativity
        and fun of "our gang", I am perpetually puzzled
        by our relative inability to come up with an idea that is
        profitable but does not pollute and can create jobs for
        others. I think the main reason is that we are unable to
        sacrifice the requisite amount of lifetime to produce
        profit. Salli says she regularly works eleven hour days!
        I can no longer -- if I ever could -- work more than four
        hours per day. But there should be no cash shortages for
        us because we do not live extravagantly   
    . . .   
    Back from freeeeezing Wisconsin. It's hard to understand
        why anyone would voluntarily put up with that encumbrance
        -- I mean just the time spent putting on and taking off
        clothes is humungous. Wonderful weather for ice
        sculpture. They had three guys with a chain saw carving a
        huge dove of peace on the banks of Lake Michigan in the
        back yard of the hotel yesterday. That's one career that
        has very little appeal, in my view.   
    I've got beaucoup catching up on my correspondence to do,
        otherwise it is a beautifully crisp sunny morning.   
    Happy New Year!!   
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
    
    
     A favorite photo of Lou at
        Morningstar Ranch in 1968, first published in The
        Morning Star Scrapbook . He seems to project a
        well-honed balanced of saint and rascal,.his intellect
        purring on all 36 cylinders while he ponders what new and
        exciting adventures-theories-enlightenments he can dream
        up. But the main theme of Lou's philosophy of life always
        was: "IT MUST BE FUN!"
 
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
     Lou with Jeanie
        Nelson
 
    "UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
        nothing is going to get better. It's not." --Dr.
        Seuss  Lou double-exposed with magnolia tree
 
    
      Lou Gottlieb 1923-1996
 
        
     Lou's granddaughter Miranda
  
    "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the
        unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to
        himself. Therefore all progress depends on the
        unreasonable man." -- George Bernard Shaw   
    
      Lou's 70th birthday at Morning
        Star Ranch, with son Tony and granddaughter Rachel - 1993
 
        
    "Practice dying, that was Plotinus' advice. I hope
        that was Plotinus, as Groucho used to say. I pray that I
        will have no one around me so attached that they clutter
        up my experience of this passage with apprehension of any
        kind." Lou - November, 1992   
     Lou in October 1993
  
    God spare us all from illness and take us home quickly
        when that great trumpet sounds. Amen. Lou - January, 1993
      
    
      Lou at Morningstar, April 1996
 
        
    "Bach! It's amazing how it just flows effortlessly
        when you fix your mind firmly on the Divine! Of course,
        practicing four hours a day helps a little."   
     Lou at Star Mountain Ranch, 1993
  
    
      Lou in Kentucky, 1992
 
        
     Lou in Los Angeles - 1990
  
    
      Lou at Morning Star
        with Ramon - April, 1996
 
        
    My Great Discovery  
    Alleluia! In my 67th year I have reason to
        believe there is a remedy for the chronic disease I have
        suffered from all my life. The name of this malady is
        pernicious disorder. Its principal symptoms are clutter
        and the consequent irritation at interruptions and
        distractions caused by having to waste time looking for
        "lost" items -- including things I may have had
        in my hands not two minutes before their disappearance.   
    In order to live with this disease, I had
        ultimately accepted it as God's will. If I misplaced
        something and had to interrupt whatever I was working on
        to look for it, that was God telling me He didn't need me
        working on that particular ego trip at that time -- that
        I should be doing something else. My assumption was that
        doing His Blessed Will was easy -- minimal inertia.
        Things tend to fall into place. Not a bad idea, but
        certainly no cure.   
    I found the following divinely simple
        treatment on page 172 of the Third Edition of the
        Macintosh Bible, in a paragraph written by Arthur Naiman:
        What is it? A Wrong Place Box -- a big cardboard box in a
        central location. If an object has no assigned place, I
        now put it in the Wrong Place Box. If I can't find
        something where I left it, I look first in the Wrong
        Place Box.   
    It's hard to believe that I have lived this
        long without having stumbled upon this simple expedient,
        but it actually seems to be working. I now have a Wrong
        Place Box in my bedroom, in my study AND on the desktop
        of my Mac. Oh, oh -- I seem to have misplaced the Wrong
        Place Box in my study! Hoping that the news of my
        miraculous cure will make you blissful, I remain, your
        well organized compadre, -- Lou   
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
    Lou in Los Angeles: Yesterday we spent twelve -- that's
        12 -- hours in the recording studio. And another six
        today. They've gone crazy about intonation. We do each
        line of text at least twenty times to get it right on
        pitch. The Limeliters Singing On Pitch?! Cows in
        Berkeley?! It's a conspiracy entered into by all three of
        my colleagues.   
    Now, let's open our Bibles (The New English Bible) to
        Numbers, Chapter 35, Verse 6:   
    (The LORD speaking to Moses.) "When you give the
        Levites their towns, six of them shall be CITIES OF
        REFUGE in which the homicide may take
        sanctuary."   
    It's about time to establish at least ten CITIES OF
        REFUGE in California where even the murderers -- or
        potential murderers -- can be free from prosecution.
        Because the next expression of desperation on the part of
        people whose labor is no longer needed might well include
        homicide along with arson and burglary.   
    Given the right "set and setting," the
        desperate can start figgering out what is really worth
        doing. Making love, gardening, all artistic endeavor,
        cooking, entertaining and educating children, athletic
        contests, these are a few suggestions from "Goof 'n'
        Ball Park, the starship of the fleet.   
    God had better be legal owner of the city, so that the
        answer to the question, "Who's in charge here?"
        is an index finger pointed heavenward. Divine guidance
        must be harnessed to solve the problem of technological
        unemployment.   
    We are headed into an epoch of compulsory leisure, as
        many recording engineers will learn as soon as everybody
        has Audio Trax booted up and running on their
        Mac-centered MIDI setups.   
    click here to return to Table of
        Contents  
    Ramon: Darn, still short a few columns, so maybe
        I'll think upon Lou a bit more. It was foggy in San
        Francisco on Sunday July 14th, but the East Bay was
        golden with sunshine, and a brisk breeze kept the fog at
        bay. Judy and I drove with Tim Schumacher to the Rolling
        Hills Memorial Park, up Route 80 a few miles after
        passing the "Y" to the Richmond-San Rafael
        Bridge, actually visible on the right before the exit
        comes up.   
    Of course I had been thinking almost obsessively about
        Lou ever since word came via Stephen of his death.
        "Stunned' barely describes my feelings of loss --
        the emptiness that my dear co-aspirant's passing created
        inside me. Lou was such a presence, with such a charming
        tendency to move to 'center stage.' Most of us eagerly
        and willingly allowed him to take over social gatherings
        because he was so -- well, so Lou! Funny, charming, witty
        in turn -- incisive, insightful, coo-coo.   
    I thought how Lou was the consummate entertainer -- that
        was one facet, but there were many. Brother Stephen today
        mentioned "I've identified at least seven different
        people living inside me," but he could have been
        talking about the Maestro also -- about me. There was Lou
        the Impatient. For someone so warm and welcoming of
        others, he could draw a line where his empathy ended
        because "I do not like to be depressed." I've
        pondered this, and concluded that it was because others'
        pain affected him too deeply, so it became agonizing for
        him to let it in.   
    I feel guilty analyzing my dear departed best friend like
        this. It hardly seems the right time to be critiquing
        Lou, but he does say "tell all".   
    Of course I berated myself for not having dropped
        everything and driven up last Monday to check on the
        situation. Instead I consulted with others and decided
        that perhaps it was a 'mood' thing. Lou had not been
        communicating on computer mail in his usual
        three-times-a-week manner throughout the previous month,
        and I had assumed it was because of a busier Limeliter
        concert schedule. Now I began to wonder otherwise.   
    Then there is -- tah-tah! -- The Master Bull, another
        facet of Lou. The opposite sex gravitated easily into his
        orbit, and Lou certainly enjoyed their presences. But if
        a woman came 'too close', he pushed her away. For someone
        who did not believe in fences, he did have very defined
        boundaries and a 'fear of intimacy.' I know he needed to
        sleep by himself, and that at least one long-term partner
        interpreted this as a rejection. She just could not get
        over the fact that Lou was not a "cuddler."   
    I'll have the following theory about this: there are
        people who find the physical presence of another in bed
        soothing when they are falling asleep, and there are
        those who find it disturbing -- twin beds vs. double bed.
        I often have wondered if this has to do with how early,
        as a baby, the person was placed in their own crib. One
        either imprints 'empty space' or 'the maternal presence'
        as sleep-inducing. Those of us cuddled and allowed to
        sleep in the family bed evolve into better 'cuddlers. I
        don't know how to test and prove this theory. A
        questionnaire?   
    At Lou's funeral, it was hard for me to find any
        comforting words to say to Lou's Tony, Judith and Bill
        and Rachel. Their father's death had come like a bolt of
        lightning, with no indications that Lou was suffering
        from terminal cancer of the intestine and spleen. I kept
        thinking that his mild case of diabetes must have masked
        some pain, and been blamed for whatever occasional
        discomfort he felt. The e-mail 'alert' of the previous
        Monday (see first item p. 3) he followed up on Tuesday
        and Wednesday with reassuring phone messages. In
        retrospect, I think the alarm caused by his e-mail had
        made him realize he would have to break the news of his
        impending departure more gently or he would have a crowd
        at his bedside imploring him not to leave.   
    I pondered these thoughts while more old family friends
        gathered and took their seats. After an introduction by
        Lou's daughter Judith, words of remembrance and love were
        spoken by Alex Hassilev, Judith, Tony, Bill and Rachel,
        Glenn sang Danny Boy in that golden tenor voice that
        contains just enough vibrato to melt the heart without
        becoming schmalzy. The Kaddish was recited, and Lou's old
        sculptor friend Izzy added his enthusiastic voice, still
        going strong in his eighties. The Limeliters then sang
        "Circles" and invited everyone to join in.   
    Afterwards, those who wished to walked down the hill to
        the grave site. Lou has a 'front row' place next to his
        dad Abe. The view out over the bay is majestic, framed by
        weeping willows. I felt grateful that Lou had chosen to
        be 'planted' rather than scattered. This gives those of
        us who need some vestige of his presence the opportunity
        to visit his mortal remains in a truly scenic spot. Of
        course it's the spirit that matters, but thanks Lou, for
        this last bit of thoughtfulness!   
    Rena Morningstar: During the Rolling
        Hills Memorial Park ceremony, we held a memorial service
        in a waterfall pool the ocean laps into at high tide at Kipahulu, Maui. Lou's goddaughters Osheana (Bill's
        sister) and Anjuli (Diony's Angel), Diony, Lily and I
        immersed ourselves in the water with prayer, love,
        friends, children, while Lou was being buried. Love to
        all,  
    And finally, no memorial to Lou would be
        complete without telling an off-color joke:   
    Lou 5/89: You heard the one about the duck
        that went to the pharmacy and said, "I want to buy a
        condom." The pharmacist said, "Certainly, shall
        I put it on your bill?" And the duck said,
        "What kind of a duck do you think I am?"  
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